tony carito



Alfonse and I leave in the wee hours of the morning for our long vacation back East.  Not soon enough.  Today was kind of a grueling day cramming everything in I needed to do to close down my office, make sure my phone was working properly (hours on the phone with Verizon), make sure Alfonse was all ready to go, deal with our various shuttles, our cats, etc. etc.  Oh and I worked today too.  I found myself leaving a message for a friend where my voice sounded, even to myself, like an elderly woman. I said “I just feel like bawling”.  Exhaustion on so many levels.  Menopause just hammers me sometimes.

I went to pick up Alfonse to come spend the night here (the shuttle picks us up at…eegads…just over 5 hours from now at 4:45am) so he’s spending the night.  Luckily we’re flying First Class the whole way.  😀


As we ran to do my final errand, he just blurted out “Kathy we have to cherish every minute we have with our father because you never know when it will be your last”.  Wisdom.  While he was talking like this my phone dinged twice.  As I arrived at the FedEx station I checked my phone to see this terribly sad and shocking message from my friend Wendy.

Our mutual friend Tony Carito suddenly passed away, today I think.  I don’t know the details.


I met Tony in a coffee shop about two years ago in Sedona as I was grabbing a cup for the road.  Long before we got our home up there.  We chatted and decided to become Facebook friends so that’s what we did.  I watched him quietly from afar, sometimes liking his posts, sometimes commenting. He very rarely commented on mine but I remember him saying about a selfie where I was showing off my new haircut something like “boy, you’re pretty.

Just over three weeks ago, I was up there for a long weekend and had no plans for the Monday I’d planned to stay over.  I sent Tony a message asking if he wanted to hang out.  He responded quickly saying that would be great and suggested we drive up the canyon to a little cafe called Indian Gardens.  He offered to pick me up.


He arrived at my house exactly on time and gifted me a notecard bearing his artwork with a tiny photograph on the back of him as a child of 4 or so.  I felt like I’d known him forever; it was so comfortable being with him and we talked and talked all along the drive and into the canyon.  As we walked in to the restaurant, people right and left were greeting him with big smiles.  He was one of the most popular people I’ve ever seen.  We had a long leisurely deep talk over lunch about many things.  He shared deep thoughts and vulnerabilities with me at one point saying “is it ok I’m telling you all of this?”.  I just replied “these are the kinds of conversations I live for.”

Tony wanted to go next door to the Dairy Queen after lunch and he got a blizzard, me a latte (still not eating sugar).  We continued our easy conversation there and I felt so happy to be making this new friend.  He performed in an Improv Theatre company called Zenprov and talked a lot about it.  I was so excited to see him perform and shared I was thinking about maybe getting back in to that myself (that’s another story from my past).   I had dreams of training with him in some way one day.

After a few hours he drove me back home, I ran inside to grab some of the cookies I’d pulled from the batch I made for the cops and gave them to him.  He kissed me sweetly and platonicly on the lips and we both shared how we looked forward to spending more time together.  It was an easy, safe, fun connection.


I’m so sad he’s gone.  I wonder why I felt all day so agitated and like I wanted to cry.  It sure makes me go hmmmm.

Rest well Tony…you will be missed by so many people.  You left a big hole in Sedona, bigger than the sinkhole I saw last weekend.


I’m going to frame your card and place it somewhere so it can make me smile.  One day.

I told John tonite I think he’s a little bit psychic.  Saying that to me about never knowing what moment is our last with someone just as that message was coming about Tony.  Then we picked up Chinese and his fortune cookie said this.


I said before I need to pay better attention to what my brother shares and I mean it.


I think I’ll go have my cry now.




In case you haven’t figured it out by now, my favorite thing of all things is serendipity.  I look for it, celebrate it, make decisions by it, worship at the altar of it (ok that’s maybe a little extreme).


wpid-20140826_163323.jpgYesterday I sent it off my submission for the first writing contest I’ve ever participated in.  It was a great exercise and I worked for hours on it over the weekend.  I’m headed back to Edmonds, WA in October for the same writing conference I went to last year and decided this time to enter the contest.  Late last week I got an email and realized the deadline for submission was this Friday!  Eegads.  They also gave the theme which I’d somehow missed so luckily I had a good story that fit perfectly.  The theme is “Catch.”  I reworked a story I shared on the blog about a Priest, a lesbian, a fish and Mississippi.

It was fun whether I win or not and I intend to play around some more with this contest stuff. Why not?  It’s a good way to practice, sharpen skills, learn to edit and in this case realize I’ve been totally sucking at punctuation in some ways…at least consistently!   Here’s to punctuation!!!! !!! !! !!!!!

Imagine my surprise tonite when I got home and decided to channel surf and landed on this documentary on Showtime:

L Word Mississippi:  Hate the Sin

Yep, it’s all about lesbians in Mississippi.  How random, right?  I tried waking her up and dragging her out of bed phoning Max to tell her to quick turn on her TV but she must be asleep already.


Maybe this is a sign…maybe I’m in the zeitgeist…maybe I’m just looking for validation.  😉

The other thing on my mind that I’m obsessing about is…drumroll…getting a dog.  I can’t stop thinking about it!  It started dragging me like a magnet while I was in Sedona this weekend and has just been escalating.  I spent much of my evening yesterday searching on dogs and so far I’ve fallen completely in love with cockapoos.  I think this is my dog…well I know it is.  Here is an assortment of photos that make my heart hurt they are so cute.  Today I’ve been obsessing about names.

cockapoo_deacon cockapoocream wpid-757878270.jpg

I’m being smart about it though and have decided to wait until the new year, review my last year and see how this new lifestyle will fit and take a good several months to be steadily at home (or Sedona) to train a little puppy.  I haven’t had a dog since I was a child but it’s pulling on me so hard knocking at the inside of my heart that I feel like I hardly have a choice.  I’ll keep ya updated.

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Look, I even have the cockapoo owner haircut! (more or less)

This morning I started looking at my treasure map to see if there was a sign on there and lo and behold, right in the center is an artic fox.  That’s pretty close to a dog if ya ask me.  And I made it the centerpiece of my whole map!  Hmmmm…


The weight lifting lady is the other large image and I’m lifting hard now at least 3 times a week.  My goal setting seems to have wiggled it’s way in to my subconscious and is having it’s way with me.

As I’m watching this hard to watch film in the background, I see a lesbian in a fishing boat.  I hope the judges for the contest are watching too.  😉

day off


Where did this day go?  I love puttering and puttering I did today.  All day.

Took a few photos of some embellishments I made to the outside of the house this trip.  Yes I moved ADT yesterday. 😉

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  I completed a story that I’m entering in a writing contest and am putting the final touches on it to mail out tomorrow (it’s derivative from a blog post here).

I designed a business card for the blog to take with me to the writing conference in October (which is hosting the contest I’m submitting to). 



And, fyi, I changed the domain name for this site (took me long enough) to

Now I’m all about stretching out on my hammock for a few before popping in on the Emmy’s.


Hope you all out there had a great Monday as well.

Oh and hoping Breaking Bad (Aaron Paul) and House of Cards clean up at the Emmy’s tonite!  Also True Detective.



Greetings from beautiful Sedona!  It’s so incredible waking up here with long expanses of days ahead of me, cool breezes and quiet.  I never for one minute forget how fortunate I am to have the opportunity to be here like this.


Today my big goals are:  go for a hike by Cathedral rock, make homemade sauce with the ingredients I brought up with me, finish installing the surround sound stereo I brought up, finish the laundry I’ve started and continue tweaking the story I’m entering in a writing contest.  It has to be submitted by next Saturday so I hope to have it finished today.  The problem is I write so fast and furious and pay no nevermind usually to punctuation and other writerly imperatives that I’m not sure how to polish it up.  I may need to find an editor–if anyone out there is game to take a look at my completed story, please write to me!

Thank you!

I’ve also been popping in at Websleuths occasionally lately to see what people are saying about the Arias case which, of no surprise to me, has been delayed again.  I think it will be lucky to start anytime this year.  And when I say start, I mean get it over with.  Although I surely know the ambivalence that goes with a trial like this finally being over (of course with the Death penalty that never really happens should she receive that sentence).  That’s when the real hard part starts:  when the trial ends.  That’s when the family will need the most support and get the least.  I’m very aware of that cliff for the Alexanders and where my role may be most important for them.


I wrote something about the legal system and how far it’s gone in protecting/supporting our worst of the worst now and the heinous way it’s turned toward villifying true victims.  I remember when I was testifying and one of Cindy’s killers attorneys tried to insinuate some preposterous theory about her being involved in a drug cartel or some such nonsense.  Or maybe it’s the way they tried to describe her as a slut therefore deserving to be viciously slaughtered in the desert for money.  It was very very subtle in comparison to what we’ve seen with Travis Alexander’s reputation also slaughtered in the courtroom, but it was enough.  Enough for me to flash a look at that defense attorney like “oh you will not even go there with me” and he backed off.  I think just the question itself disgusted the jury.  But times were different then.  Now it’s become commonplace to attack the reputation of victims in court fabricated out of thin air by the mind of a sociopath.  Entire defenses are spun on these about face assaults to the innocent. “Experts” participate in these lies and are well paid.  And we, as a society, seem to think this is ok.


Anyway, I’ll just copy and paste what I wrote on Websleuths this morning so I can be done with this line of thinking and get in to something that would actually match the memories that are true of my sister and Travis (as I understand him to have been)–like cooking,hiking, writing a funny story.


Sometimes you also just have to tell the truth about things and put it out there, so here it is:

I think this illustrates what is so incredibly beyond frustrating and maddening about how our justice system has (d)evolved when it comes to murderers like Arias. The system promotes them continuing to abuse and debase their victims in public, falsifying completely fictional stories that villify their victims out of thin air while staining their memory to anyone who even hears it even if they don’t believe it. This has been accepted as a completely commonplace line of defense now with no one setting boundaries on it’s preposterousness.

“Expert” witnesses come out of the woodwork to support these fictional stories and testify to their “veracity” although their only source is the killer themself. Entire tales are spun creating the completely innocent victim as an unrecognizable character in their own life. Meetings are held to strategize how to spin the Truth in to something that turns the entire sordid event on it’s ear pointing to the vicious killer as “victim”. Intelligent, highly paid, educated professionals conspire in this dark dance.

And the legal system supports and condones it. All the way up to the day the vicious killer likely dies in prison of natural causes as these fights continue for decades selling fiction as fact, tarnishing someone’s innocent child/sibling/friend/parent who never had a chance to fully live their life; all in the name of winning.

Or in some cases, such as Alyce La Violette, in the name of money. Thank God the scales of Karma didn’t support her in that endeavor. But she has taken her tale of victimhood, erasing the man who’s breath was taken in his own home, on to herself now. In the name of murderer Jodi Arias.

It’s a level of insanity I feel sure our forefathers never anticipated. I don’t think they knew this level of sophisticated evil back in those simpler times either. Nature or nurture we have a new breed of venom that walks the Earth now. And we protect them like precious jewels.


christmas in august


Greetings from Sedona!



I had a beautiful drive up this afternoon.  I mean every drive up is beautiful but today’s was particularly spectacular.  I can tell when I need to get out of the city when I start having road rage just pulling out of my carport.  As an introvert, the wide space of the open road is like visual Prozac for me.


I hauled up a few gifts for the house including our new security system.  I call him ADT which stands for A Dangerous Thing.


I bought this wild fella a few years ago with my friend Rob (who also got one) at an art fair and he’s been all over the place.  I had a last minute brainwave this morning, grabbed him out of my garden and threw him in the car.  He looks right at home there doesn’t he?

Funny thing is some people on Facebook thought it was real.  Um, what did they think it was?  An alligator?  😉


I think he’ll do the trick though because people were pretty terrified just from the photos. HA!



I had one of those OMG moments this week about John getting in the chorus.  First of all, he’s doing really well right now. We spent much of the day together yesterday–lunch, Dead Poet’s Society, dinner, TV viewing (two episodes of Chopped).  He was engaged, present, conversational and an all around darling to be with.  I cherish those kinda days with him.



I got to thinking about his preparation for the audition.  About how every time I asked him to sing a song  for me, I mean every. single. time. he came up with the song “Jingle Bells”.  You can here me saying just that in the video here.

(not this video, the one in the link above)

I kept saying “what is it with you and the Christmas songs?”.  He would reply “it’s my favorite song”.

Well well well, how interesting that the concert he will be rehearsing for starting Sept 24 is their Christmas concert.



It sure makes ya wonder doesn’t it?  Just how much of this is illness and how much insight or premonition or foresight or some kind of communication going on that the rest of us don’t hear.

I find that absolutely fascinating and have decided I’m going to pause and pay better attention to the things that he’s so devoted to.



Maybe, just maybe somewhere in there is some kind of crystal ball.

All I know is I’d be smart to be open to all the possibilities.



fan mail


Alfonse got his first fan letter!

Wheeee!  Thank you Pam!!  You made our day!

And we went on to have a FANTASTIC day today!  😀



fosse fosse fosse



I went to a small movie theatre in my town today/this evening to see two Robin Williams movies back to back:  Good Morning Vietnam and The Birdcage.  Tomorrow Alfonse and I go to Dead Poet’s Society and if I’m still up for it I’ll see Good Will Hunting afterward.  It’s so great seeing these movies again on the big screen and of course, bittersweet.

The whole movie theatre applauded after both films–maybe more for The Birdcage.

I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who clapped after this scene which, to me, is quintessential Robin Williams.

He leaves us with the legacy that mental illness is for real, serious and claims lives.


With that being said, Alfonse and I have a 15 minute consult tomorrow with a Naturopath I found locally who specializes in mental illness.  I’m thinking maybe she can help balance the depression that he’s been struggling with using natural approaches that augment his meds.  It’s worth an investigation.  And thankfully he’s open to it as he is most of my suggestions.  Although his depression seems much better these last couple of weeks, today he reported the worst moments being a 3 and when I talked to him later, a 1.  This is very very good.

Rest in Peace Robin Williams and thank you for all of the brilliance that keeps shining on.

And reminding us there is comedy in tragedy and tragedy in comedy.  No hard lines.

Forever young, forever in our hearts.




work retreat 2014



I’m starting this post with this photo that shows Mya and I were obviously and clearly working during our annual work retreat at the Boulders resort just north of Scottsdale.  We actually accomplished quite a bit mapping out our schedule for the rest of the year and setting goals for 2015.

We’ve been blessed with what I would call perfect timing.  Mya and I first met when she was living and working in Phoenix as a PT and beginning her Myofascial Release training.  She got an opportunity of a lifetime as a therapist and was offered a job at the prestigious Therapy On the Rocks in Sedona–one of two nationwide John Barnes Myofascial Release clinics.  After spending a year working and developing there, she returned to Phoenix primarily because Sedona wasn’t the best place for her family and children to thrive.


Here’s the kicker though–she moved back right about the same time that I closed the largish clinic I’d been exhausting and draining myself managing for 18.5 years.  I had recently relocated to my current, solo, darling location which turned out was just a couple of miles away from the location she’d been given special dispensation from her non-compete agreement, to restart her practice.

In typical Mya fashion, she contacted me concerned she was “intruding” on my “territory”.  Immediately I felt and said “absolutely not, but we’re going to collaborate”.  And we did.  I was alone as a therapist for the first time in almost two decades and I needed professional support and connection.



sorry so blurry but I love the energy in this photo

It’s been over two years now and Mya and I have developed a seamless working relationship.  We co treat (which means two therapists treating the same person at the same time) one day a month, at least.  We’ve also developed what we call an “Accelerated Program” where people come for 3 sessions per day–2 individual sessions with each of us and 1 co treatment.

We’ve had people sign on for that program for 1 or 2 weeks and come from out of town just for treatment with us.  We designed this program to also flow with Therapy on the Rocks Intensive program and some have used it as a way to ease in or out of that more intense therapeutic experience. With no advertising and virtually no promotion we’ve flourished.  Simply word of mouth.  We don’t even have a handout for our collaborations which is one of the goals we discussed.



So, you see, among the cranberry sparklers and spa treatments and room service, we really did use this as our focused planning time.  And bonding time.  Which is also part of our professional connection!




Not to brag, but to appreciate, if I had an opportunity to be treated by Mya and I in a co treatment, I’d sign up every month.  We have this seamless connection, have never, not once, experienced a power struggle or ego dynamic. We both respect and trust each other equally and often we hear “I felt like one person was working on me with four hands” which is entirely descriptive of what it feels like on my end. 

We often train in MFR seminars to choose a leader for the multiple therapist treatment techniques but we’ve never done that.  The leadership shifts and morphs during the treatment.  It’s like a perfect improv dance.  If one gets an idea and says “what do you think about this?” in terms of the direction to go in the treatment, the other just flows right with it “great idea”.

I think I sometimes take this connection for granted because I do think it’s exceedingly rare.



Our friendship is very similar.  We both talk and we both listen.  We spent HOURS over this weekend sharing, long stories, deep stories, tears, laughter, covering every emotion on the spectrum.  I think it’s a pretty amazing friendship/professional relationship and one that is very very unusual and special to find.  I have never, not once, had a moment of conflict with Mya–on the inside or outside.  It’s astonishing really!


On our full Saturday there, we went for yoga class, a two hour workout in the gym then spa treatments.   I booked this Ayurvedic treatment I’d been wanting to try.  We’d decided we wanted to go later in the day and lo and behold they offered a 20% discount for all treatments after 3pm.  Perfect!


Here is the description of what I got:


A cleansing, detoxifying delight for the skin, Bindi translates to
“rebirth.” An exfoliation using crushed, warm herbs uplifts the
spirit while soothing the body. A light massage, using oils selected
according to your dosha, lulls you into a blissful state of serenity and
concludes with a warm cocoon wrap and facial cleanse.
80 minutes
This harmonizing treatment begins with a soothing stream of warm
oil flowing onto your “third eye” to ease the mind and encourage a
REM state, allowing for the body to repair itself. The oil is lavishly
massaged into your hair and scalp, followed by a light facial massage
(I had the one that combines both of those)
I can honestly say I don’t think I have ever in my life felt the level of deep relaxation or time traveling or whatever I experienced during that session.  I felt such a deep rest and healing that I knew something major had just occured.
Since we both had the shirodhara treatment meaning our hair covered in oil, we decided to stay in the room and get room service for dinner.  We’d also brought a couple ok, four bottles of wine so we popped one open with our dinner and sat on our balcony with some bats flying around us and talked and talked for hours leisurely enjoying our salads and Pinot Noir.
Around 10 pm we looked at each other, wondering if we should go for one of the other bottles–ya know, to just try.  😉  Of course, as usual we were on the same page.  Mya had brought this Tres Lunas wine in honor of the recent Super Moon so we landed on that one (we still brought home full bottles believe it or not).  We took one sip and Mya said “oh this wine needs some chocolate”.
No chocolate!  Neither of us had brought any chocolate!  I’ve been not eating sugar at all really for a couple of months so wasn’t really thinking about it but  yeah, this wine needed some chocolate.
She asked if there might be a vending machine somewhere so I called the Operator Sherry Lynn to ask.
No, this really isn’t the type of resort that has vending machines she reminded me.  Duh.
Sherry Lynn then went in to problem solving this obvious emergency.  She offered that there was a Walgreens nearby (no, we weren’t going anywhere–we were in our jammies and well, would not be driving 😉 ), she offered to open the gift shop and send us a “selection” of candy bars and then she landed on the solution.
“I could send you some of my personal stash–it’s Cadbury”.
Within moments a young man showed up at our door, me answering it in my shower cap and pajamas, and handed me a Boulders gift bag cradling not one, but two Cadbury chocolate bars.  Sherry Lynn was a lifesaver!
We sat there savoring one of the chocolate bars square by square sipping our wine in to the late hours thanking Sherry Lynn over and over to each other when I realized I should have sent her something back!
By the time I came out of this chocolate ecstasy long enough to call and thank her, she’d already left her shift.  I made a plan though.  😉
The next morning I woke up to a wine glass 1/8 full next to my bed and an empty chocolate bar wrapper between us on the nightstand.  I think it took us over an hour to eat that entire candybar.  It was that kind of leisure going on.
We spent the morning hanging out in our beds and I basically told Mya my life story–there were tears and deep sighs  the profound connection weaving between us.
We milked that room right up to the moment of checkout, asked for our bags to be stored and went back to the spa for a leisurely lunch and lounge by the pool.
i like seeing what I look like when I’m totally relaxed
After 3pm we realized it was time to pack up and head home.
As we sat at the checkout desk, we realized that Sherry Lynn was back on shift so asked to meet her!  She looked exactly as I’d imagined with her little southern accent and bright red hair.  She was so happy to meet us and we all hugged and ooohed and ahhhed about her chocolate rescue.  I’d prepared a nice tip for her in a note the night before so quietly handed that to her and said we’d see her next time.
Yes, we’ve already decided we will now come to this slice of Heaven twice a year now–once for our overnight spa retreat (now extended to two nights) and one for just a day at the spa.  We are so smart to do this!  I’m shocked we didn’t figure it out earlier!
I often see these big corporations sending their employees to these amazing work retreats feeling like that’s something I’ve missed out on being self employed most of my adult life.  But no more! We can create our own version of that and we have!  😀
As we left the lobby and the bellman started pulling out our luggage/finding Mya’s keys, our chocolate delivery man appeared out of nowhere.  I really don’t know how he recognized me after the getup I was in the night before at the door in the dark.  He was tickled as well remembering that whimsical gesture he was a part of.  I’m pretty sure he’s never participated in an emergency chocolate delivery before.
And Mya and I know how to appreciate a person.  When he shared his name is Gerard I impulsively replied “oh you even have a sexy name” and he said I’d made his day.  😉  It was a win/win/win love fest all the way around.
I’ll sign off with something I shared with Mya that I read years ago but love.  I think it might have been a George Carlinism but I’m not sure and I’m not exactly sure of the precise wording but it goes something like this:
Ever notice when someone tells you ‘you just made my day!’ , at that moment they just made your day?
Yeah, that.
even though we were seated under these strange feet, we sat at that restaurant having dinner for 3 hours!
Here’s to having our days made and making other people’s days!
Happy Monday everyone!
Oh and just one post script.  I often worry on some level when I leave and unplug like that how it will impact my brother.  I called him as soon as I got home last night and he sounded good–really good.  Told me what he did over the weekend, that he’d just made dinner for himself, that he was watching TV and had done his workout on Saturday.  He’s doing so much better.  I’m so relieved.