On your birthday beautiful boy
Woke up this morning with zero pain and zero buyer’s regret. I absolutely love my tattoo and feel like I’m somehow changed because of making this statement to myself.
When the thought downloaded to my brain last Sunday, the statement came with it “you will always have Cindy at your back”.
I think growing up without a mother and losing my one and only consistent protector at age 29 created a hypervigilant exhausted woman at age 54.
Something about this tattoo feels like protection to me. Like she’s just always watching my back so I can rest, finally.
There’s also something about doing this in a location where no one but in very rare circumstances will see it. It’s kind of low between my shoulder blades. And I have no regret about that either. The little bits of discomfort I feel this morning remind me of it’s presence and I feel so comforted.
I can’t wait to show my family today. They had not one moment of ambivalence about this for me.
That’s the thing I’ve found–when I’ve been 100% sure about a decision for myself, I’ve gotten very little flak from others. BIG decisions like graduating from college, getting a great job and new car and deciding to chuck it all and move to Mexico for love. I also got no flak from that either.
I’ve been awakened the last two nights with clear and unexplained sounds. In Sedona, a singular bell chime woke me up twice night before last (nothing in the room to make that sound) and last night a strange human snore woke me up. Nothing I’ve ever heard my cat make.
I think someone’s trying to get my attention.
I think I’ll spend the weekend listening extra hard.
But for now, off in to a fantastic day of fun with family and friends and great wine and food.
What a life…what a LIFE!
taken right after so still semi bleeding–sorry for the freshness!
What a day what a day what a DAY!
Woke up in Sedona, zipped down the hill and in to a spectacular Valentine’s Day.
After a bit of work I got to exchange Valentine’s gifts and cards with my Dad and brother. Awww…out of the six cards exchanged I think 4 were Peanuts themed. In fact, Alfonse got me the exact same card I got for my Dad! Buddha would have said “mental telepathy”.
I remain so grateful to have them so close to me and to be spending so many meaningful and fun times together.
I dashed over to meet Aaron for the tattoo pregame of ginger ale and chat before our appointments began.
The tattoo parlor was very cool; clean, spacious, artwork everywhere, friendly. I loved the vibe the second we walked in.
Our tattoo artist, Mary, talked to me for a bit about my ideas then whipped up a drawing in about a half an hour and I took one look at it and gasped “its’ perfect!”. I loved it immediately. She absolutely nailed my vision. Every aspect of it is perfect…beyond.
the stencil she placed perfectly between my shoulder blades
I went first and I’m not gonna lie, it hurt like hell. So glad Aaron was there to literally hold my hand or rather I squeezed the daylights out of his. He made me laugh and stopped a couple of times to take a pic.
It was over before I knew it–maybe 40 min total? Aaron took a pic for me and it was absolutely perfect in the absolutely perfect spot. For me since virtually no one but myself will be seeing this very personal tattoo, it was definitely a feel type of thing. When I got the inspiration last Sunday of what to get and where to get it, I felt in my body exactly where it should be. And Mary nailed it. How funny that by accident the vine scrolled right around a mole I didn’t even know I had back there. Love it.
Cindy’s signature transferred perfectly
Then it was Aaron’s turn and his went much faster as his stars were all identical in a neat row on his shoulder. I held his hand too but his wasn’t nearly as sensitive as mine (or maybe he’s less of a wimp). We had such a great bonding time together doing this and had such heartfelt conversation before/during and after. I just love my dear friend Aaron and am so grateful for his presence in my life the last six years or so. He’s like family to me, well he is family to me (along with his darling daughter Maddie who I nicknamed Skinny Buddha).
After our tats we just couldn’t stop smiling. I think we were in some kind of endorphin-rush zone. It was an absolute blast! We walked back to Liberty Market and found a table outside, got some libations and snacks and continued our post tattoo Valentine love fest.
My gorgeous friend Andrea joined us and we, ahem, shared some
a huge carafe of Kir Royale…yum! Perfect Valentine’s bubbly cocktail. Aaron had to dash out to take SB to dinner and then my other beautiful friend Ann joined us and the evening was just deep meaningful girl talk; tears, laughter, all perfect sharing full of love.
What an incredible day/evening…just incredible!
And then I came home to find this pink box of goodies on my doorstep, dropped off by the Valentine fairy
my friend Amy. 🙂
I love my tattoo so much. I’m so glad I did it. I feel like it’s somehow going to change my life.
Positioned directly on the back side of my heart chakra, I see it as some sort of love shield/magnet/memorial. I’m just so psyched that I got it.
And can’t wait to see where it’s taking me next as this portal opens my heart to more love. 😀
Greetings from beautiful Sedona. I’m wiped. I came up to run an errand and clean the house which took me five hours today-whew! So rewarding to clean up after the busy holiday season.
I ran to get supplies last evening and returned to this (see above) as I pulled on to our street.
Woke up this morning to some texts with my friend Aaron excited about our Valentines Day tattoo adventure together.
He shared this which just warmed my heart and brought mist to my eyes:
There are three phrases in the fraternity, one for each star. The one that speaks to me now is “most sacred friendship”. I can’t think of anyone more fitting to share this experience with, just you.
He’s getting three stars and all Ill say right now is mine is inspired by this image and will include Cindy’s signature. Of course Ill take pics of our beautiful day and blog it.
Happy Valentines Eve everyone!
This showed up in my inbox this morning from TUT. Bam! I woke up feeling this exact feeling and then I read this!
Kathy, it’s working.
No, you probably can’t see it yet, but I can. Wheels are now turning that have never turned before. Winds are now howling that have never howled before. And players from every walk of life are being drawn into place as if in some hypnotic dance. All because of you, your dreams, and your divinely stubborn persistence.
If I wasn’t the Universe, I don’t think I’d believe it.
My sister is sending me on an Odyssey.
I feel it in my bones.
Oh and also, I’m getting a tattoo.
On Valentine’s Day at 3pm.
Have I gotten your attention yet?
I really thought I would get up this morning and write about our fantastic afternoon/evening celebration yesterday for my Dad’s birthday (which I will).
But this takes precedence at the moment.
I’m bringing it all back to my Treasure Map too as it’s started the treasure hunting process — I didn’t officially hang it up until last week and boy has it activated in my life.
It got me to the Ecstatic Dance on Sunday morning although I’ve been resisting going for some unknown reason for months. That’s a mystery really as this kind of dance/movement is totally my thing and something I’ve devoted a lot of my life too. This group meets at a studio very near my house where people drive from all over the Valley to congregate at. It’s at a perfect time for me (when I’m in town). It’s something I love.
Anyway, who cares about the resistance, I got there.
We danced for close to two hours and at the end I laid on the floor in the “legs up the wall” yoga pose for the last two songs and had this clear as a bell thought blast in to my brain.
You are getting a tattoo and this is what and this is where.
No questions or weird uh oh’s around this thought. Clear as a bell, calm as a whisper it just arrived.
I came home, started doing my research, have my basic design and yesterday it all unfolded in an even more magical way.
I’ve had plans for weeks to go out with my darling friend Andrea for Valentine’s Day. Our plan was to go out salsa dancing. Yet when I started thinking about this tattoo, and the fact that I believe in the importance of ritual, I realized I really wanted to do it on Valentine’s Day. Neither of us was finding a great place to go dancing but we definitely were going out. I was thinking of asking her to go with me for the tattoo but didn’t want to mess up our plans.
So, when I shared a cryptic “I’m getting a tattoo” on Facebook, she wrote the comment “Awesome!! Instead of dancing, let’s get yr tat and celebrate it over dinner!”. Now read that with her South African accent and you’ve got the complete experience.
Hallelujah! Just what I wanted! No disappointment anywhere!
It gets better now.
Yesterday my friend Marianne was still over as she came over Sun. night to watch Downton Abbey and stayed (which turned in to 3 other shows as well til midnight and a slumber party!). She knows tons of people with tattoos at the restaurant where she works and threw out a name of a tattoo parlor they go to.
I looked it up, saw the portfolio of a gal there and loved it. Lo and behold, she had openings for Friday afternoon! Perfect!
Now that timing didn’t work out for Andrea BUT in the middle of all this, my friend Aaron texts me “hey I’ve been wanting to get a specific tattoo for 20 years, let’s do this together!”. Eureka!
He got the appt. after mine saying “I’ll hold your hand through yours and you hold my hand through mine”. Awwwww…
Aaron also busted in to tears when I texted him what I was getting.
All I’ll say is it incorporates Cindy’s signature.
Just her first name. And a little flower she used to draw.
That’s just part of it.
Whew! This is a lot to write as so much has happened in the last 48 hours on this front!
Andrea is coming to meet us when she’s out of her meeting and we’ll all go out and have a celebration. I’ve been wanting to introduce the two of them anyway for awhile and now that they’re both single………….uh huh, that.
What an incredibly meaningful and fun Valentine’s Day this is turning out to be. Love is in the air!
So….back to the Odyssey.
I woke up this morning realizing I need to find a copy of Cindy’s signature today as tomorrow I’m headed up to Sedona for two nights then will be basically back home, working then headed to the tattoo shop.
I got out of bed, brushed my teeth and went straight to my guest room closet and on an archeological dig.
I can’t begin to process all I found, some things I had absolutely no idea I was even in possession of–how is that even possible?
My mother’s last wallet with the photos she placed in it, letters she wrote to both my Grandma’s as she was dying. A letter she wrote to Cindy and I while she was in the hospital (I’ve not even read it yet; there’s another moment for that).
she called me “katie” but spelled it “KT”
So many photos, so many mementos. Just impossible to even chew much less digest.
And then I found it.
The thing I’ve been searching for, literally for years, maybe decades. I thought I’d lost it.
The Ziggy card.
Back in 1979 I’d guess, Cindy and I were living together in a house in Normal, IL while we were in college. We nicknamed that house “Deliria House”.
One night, a school night, a friend of mine who was also a hair dresser convinced me to do this henna treatment on my mousy blonde hair. She came to the house with her supplies and applied this seaweed masque type glop to my hair in kitchen. The kitchen without a mirror.
She rinsed it off in the kitchen sink and said these kiss of death words “wow you have a lot of red in your hair”.
My hair does not have red in it but that green crap turned my hair bright orange. Not any kind of normal redhead type color but neon orange!
yes, basically this – also henna but she looks like she likes it
Now in this particular phase of my life I prided myself being kind of a granola girl–natural. No one was dying their hair back then. At least no one cool was.
And now I had this bright orange hideous hair! She ran immediately to the hair supply place and got this color remover stuff that sort of took the edge off but just say I was a redhead for months after that and I was not happy.
That’s putting it mildly. I actually got very depressed over it, my stupid decision, my vanity gone bad. It brought out a dark demon in me and I wouldn’t leave the house or go to classes. Ok truth be told, I sat inside and basically smoked pot when I wasn’t going to work (and getting teased).
I came home one evening and this card was waiting for me.
She just had way with me (tears now). She just had the right words and more than that, the right timing.
I’ve literally heard these words in my head since 1979 (how many years is that now? 35? Wow.).
Unlike Ziggy, at least you’ve got hair!
That’s the signature (on that card) that’s going in my tattoo this Friday.
I won’t lose it again.
i sent myself this set of essays from my teenage self to the future
I walked downstairs with a few of these mementos she sent me to find and realized she’s sending me on a treasure hunt.
Things are pivoting; I can feel it.
Something or someone is coming; I know it.
And I’m not alone on this journey, of this I’m sure.
sure do love my dad
rushing to get out the door for the party but more pics to come, including a red velvet cake I made..using beets!