our view last night at Happy Hour at Mariposa restaurant

Greetings from Sedona where I sit on my bar stool perch, the same perch I sat on when I had the very first chat with my husband over Thanksgiving weekend 2014. It was late, my family had gone to bed and I was up distracting myself with Facebook.

I had recently been invited to join a small, private writing group via a friend who knew I was getting ready to head out soon on a writing sabbatical to start my book. I’d noticed this cute, younger than me (or so I thought), Psychologist in the group who had kind of the roll of “group cheerleader”. No matter what anyone wrote, he was quick with positive feedback and a word of encouragement. It was no different with me.

(yes, that’s him–his dance born from a typo where “congo” came out vs. “condo”)

It also came as no surprise that after a few exchanges, he sent me a friend request there.

One evening he made a comment on a poem I’d posted which turned in to a 70-something long comment exchange in the group that garnered a private message from my friend Renie, also in the group, “you were flirting with that Psychologist last night!”. I was.

He asked if we could chat privately on Facebook the next day, so we started. It went late in to the night, covering everything from spirituality to dream cars to past traumas. He shared he had been on a dating hiatus for 18 months, “celibate” he described himself.

“Are you a monk?” I asked, having noted his bald head.

“No, I just realized I’m kind of messed up in the woman department so I stopped for awhile.” Now this I could relate to. All of it. I’d had the same realization and done the same thing.

I had decided to let go of relationships and get a dog. In fact, I had my whole next few months mapped out, preparing for that next introduction to my life.


We chatted again the next night, this time more intimate and personal. We realized that something was happening here, between us. There was something about this man that was so familiar, so easy to relate to. We laughed and cried and both had a feeling.

“Where did you come from?” I asked.

“I don’t know, all I know is I was sent to you,” he replied.

I changed the subject fast.

For the last couple of years, dealing with my brother and my aging father and looking out at the landscape of my future handling this all alone, I would often speak to my sister in various ways asking her to send me some help.

“Cindy, you have to find me someone, someone to love who can handle all of this with me,” I begged. I had begged similarly to my mother as a child for help. Help dealing with the difficult family situation we’d found ourselves in after she’d passed.


During that late night chat with my new friend John, the Earth moved. I mean literally the Earth moved. I was downstairs in the quiet as my father and brother were fast asleep upstairs. A loud sound preceded a rippling feeling across the ceiling. I thought a tornado had swept by and did what any stupid person would do in that moment–I ran outside to check. There was a stillness in the air I’d never heard or felt before.

I couldn’t figure it out. I ran upstairs thinking perhaps my very large brother had fallen out of bed. No, but he was awake.

“I think that was an earthquake, Kathy.”

I was still chatting with John who quickly consulted the Gods of Google and confirmed, in fact, there had been an earthquake in Sedona. A 4.3 level one in fact.

“If I were you, I’d be meditating right now,” he said.


The conversation continued late in to the night.

“Would you mind if I did a Tarot card reading on this encounter?” he asked. I already knew he played with Tarot cards pretty regularly so I consented. I felt easy and safe with him and noted the respect he offered just with his question.

We spoke the next day, both of us having gotten little sleep the night before.

“I did the reading and I know where this relationship is going,” he said. “Do you want to know?”.

“No” I answered. And I didn’t. This was kind of freaking me out honestly.

But he told me anyway, either that day or the next.

He’s an oversharer. So am I. I get it.


That would likely turn many people off. But me, coming from way too many situations and dynamics involving secrets and lies, it was the perfect constellation of personality traits to allow me to trust him, and I did. Then, and now. I have never had a moment of distrust over this man and that was/is a first for me. I’ve distrusted men, with good reason, my entire life. I’d been plagued with an inability to trust men, while simultaneously choosing untrustworthy men as a matter of course. It was basically the only game I knew for decades.

This was completely different, and I didn’t quite know how to maneuver in it, but I kept going anyway.

He told me that he’d done readings on every woman who had crossed his path who he had even a remote interest in and they had, every time, steered him away from getting involved.

Until this one.

“The final outcome card was The Lovers,” he said. “I know what this is going to be for us.”

I basically shut him down on that track, but kept talking to him.

Things led to things and, at the urging of my friend Rob who was already headed that direction in a few weeks, I traveled to the East to meet him. Rob later said when he walked me out of the airplane that day that he felt like he was walking me down the aisle.

John and I were engaged on that trip. He got down on one knee in front of the Christmas tree at his rural Pennsylvania home, and proposed with his father’s wedding band on a gold chain. It was perfect.

We were married just about 6 months later in Niagara Falls and I’m still pinching myself. What started off fascinating and exciting has just become both more comfortable and deep and expanded in all ways since.


“I never thought I would find a love like this,” he said last night over a bottle of red wine.

We talked late in to the night on the couch, facing each other–the same couch I’d felt that earthquake on–about our good fortune. How easily compatible we are, the level of trust we share that has only deepened, the almost completely lack of power struggles, the sense of equality and respect we share, the love and passion and fun we have.

And, of course, his little daughter Lillian which has fulfilled a long abandoned dream in me.


Friday was Cindy’s birthday. She would have been 58 this year and she was born in 1958. It felt momentous. On arriving to Sedona, we went to the store and picked up all of the ingredients for her Chicken Cacciatore. I brought her hand written recipe card up with me.


You can read about this ritual here.


We opened a bottle of wine we’d brought back from Niagara Falls which we also used in the recipe and sipped it as we cooked, and dined, together. We listened to jazz and looked at car-porn, one of John’s favorite guilty pleasures.

“I never thought I’d have a woman who would look at car-porn with me,” he laughed showing me the Bentley he’d always dreamed of. I loved it too.


We served the perfect chicken over zucchini noodles. Cindy would have liked that.

We raised our glasses and toasted to her and my husband looked up to the Heavens, tears in his eyes, and quietly said “thank you for sending me.”


Happy Birthday Cindy.

Thank you for sending me the perfect man.  You nailed it.





weaving, woven



I woke up this morning in Edmonds, opened the blind over the huge picture window at the head of the bed and on the side I was sleeping appeared a dangling spider. I looked more closely as clearly it was swaying from side to side and not attached to the window, to see it was situated firmly in the center of about a 24 inch perfectly woven web.

My husband who reads animal cards every single day sat right down, pulled and read the spider card for me and the words that stuck out were “create, create, create”.


Before noticing the spider – who remains right there, right over my pillow 10 hours later – my mind was filled with ideas as I woke up early to the sounds of train whistles, ferry horns and my husband’s sweet rhythmic breath of slumber.

I was thinking about this great life we’ve found ourselves smack dab in the middle of, seemingly out of nowhere. Yet just like that spider, we’ve been weaving it for years, decades even. Every time we held on to a wish, a feeling of deservingness against all odds, we were weaving.


Yesterday we had one of those days that while you’re in the middle of it, you know you will reflect on it for years to come as one of your best days ever.


It started out on the train–the Amtrak Empire Builder that we hopped on on it’s very last leg from Chicago to Seattle. It was just a 30 minute ride but truly spectacular. We sat in the upper level and felt like we glided on air along the Puget Sound coastline in our reclining comfortable leather seats side by side.


My husband is a total train nut so seeing him in his element was also a thrill for me. He has studied every aspect of trains all his life and is filled with minute details about the cars, engines, the rails themselves. He was like a kid in a candy store.


We landed in Seattle in to the most gorgeous train station I’ve ever seen, not that I’ve seen that many, but I had no idea a station existed as a living art form like this. We oohed and ahhed at the carved walls and ceilings and certainly noticed that we’d both landed on Track 5 to debark and were welcomed in to Door 5. Our 5’s just keep showing up over and over again. Like magical stepping stones.

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We embarked out on our day of exploring in Seattle with very little planned other than tickets to see the movie The Martian at the famous Cinerama movie theatre at 3:15. And our return trip on the train at 6:50.


We simply started walking, found a hat to replace the one my bald husband lost the day before on our way and meandered our way to Pike Place Market by 10:30. We decided to get a bite to eat at the well known Lowell’s cafe with it’s gorgeous 3 story views and landed at, you guessed it, a waterfront table. As we finished our breakfast the crowd kind of thinned and out came our travel chess set. John’s been teaching me chess this trip so we’ve been playing it on the go from the airplane to happy hour to coffee shops. Of course I lose every single time but that’s to be expected. At least I give him a run for his money and staved him off my King for over an hour one time. Psych vics he calls my psychological victories which are increasing my confidence.


We wound our way through the market then huffed up a STEEP hill to my favorite tiny coffee shop in Seattle, Moore’s. It’s my favorite because a. it’s out of the way b. I love this Cafe Madrid they serve there and c. they are famous for putting designs in the foam. I got the Madrid, John got hot chocolate and we sat on the tiny patio on the street, you guessed it, playing chess. I got my very first “Check!” during that game…SCORE!



From there we found our way to Cinerama, careful to be on time as last time we went we deedawdled drinking champagne in a nearby lounge and were half an hour late. The movie was really good and we had great seats where we could prop our feet on the railing in front of us. We sure love our movies. And the half regular half chocolate popcorn they uniquely offer there.


We had just about enough time afterward to quickly hoof it the mile and a half back to the Amtrak Station and got there just minutes before they started boarding the Cascade train back to Edmonds. Another fantastic ride but this time we got the sunset–spectacular seems too small a word for it. Gliding along like that taking in the scenery with our legs stretched out on one another’s laps like lazy dogs–heaven.


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It was just one of those days–one you will never forget. Only to be capped with one of our favorite dinners–the “nack paddler” (snack platter) of Washington cheeses, crackers, almonds, fruit and a delicious bottle of white wine from our Finger Lakes wine weekend he’d hauled all the way from PA. Everything with us is a celebration filled with fun and love and humor.



And we don’t seem to be slowing down at all–the opposite–we’re accelerating. And gliding on air.

I went from the most unlucky person in love I really knew to the luckiest.


All I can say right now about that is when your dream is standing before you, grab it and don’t look back or even sideways. Just grab it and leap.


Then you can look out and see the web that’s been woven all along, just waiting for you to take your rightful place at it’s very center, safe, supported and vibrantly alive.

Oh, and PS? We went and looked at a home here in Edmonds today that is very likely our dream home and on the way in saw two dangling spiders. Wish us luck on that lottery ticket we bought using the numbers from a card left behind for me in a fortune telling machine at the Market yesterday.

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When John and I decided to get married, we started, like every couple does, looking at dates. Let me preface this by saying I’m a gal who likes numbers. I don’t know why, I’m not really interested in stars and planets and find astrology mildly amusing but numbers and numerology fascinate me.

I’ve been referencing a book for nearly three decades which I consider my Numerology Bible. Ok truth be told, it’s the only book I ever have read and ever reference to anything related to numbers but I do use this one book semi religiously.  If a number starts appearing around me frequently or I’m making a big decision that involves choosing a date, I will definitely reference this book and have used it as a guide of sorts to help, well, guide me.

Here is the book and a link to where you can find it if you are so inclined (I get no kickback, just sharing):


(click the book for the link)

This book has you look up, based on your birth date, your “personal number” and when I read my unique number (41/5), it fit me to a tee. My jaw dropped when I read it actually as it was so descriptive to my personality–a freedom/change loving, creative, independent person who doesn’t like to be tied down. It also said I have a pleasure seeking personality. Guilty.


Which brings me to my marriage. 😉

I noted right away that John and I would both be age 55 at the same time just a month after getting engaged. I took note of this coincidence and shared that I thought we should get married under this same age. He readily agreed. After that, it just became about 5’s.

Fifth Year Golden Laurel Wreath

We decided May, of course, being the fifth month, then worked forward from there. Of course we noted the year 2015, another 5 reference.


We looked at May 5th and I consulted my numerology book and shuddered at the admonition to basically NOT undergo any kind of serious contract under that vibration. In a nutshell how it works is you add up the numbers of any date and it will give you usually a double digit number which you then reduce down to a single digit number. So going off our first date, it goes like this 5/5/2015.  5 + 5 + 8 ( 2+0+1+5=8) = 18 reduces to 9 (1 + 8).  So that date was a 18/9 day.

18/9 was a no. To quote the book:

“Maintain your present status while considering changes…” and “Sign documents carefully or not at all”.  Um, no not getting married that day. Not at all, indeed.


So we jumped forward to the 10th, obviously 5 doubled. When I did that numerology, I got 5 + 10 + 2015 = 15 + 8 = 23. 23/5–Eureka! Even the date itself reduces to 5!

I went back to the book and these are some of the words I found:

“There are powerful protective forces around you now to guide you in to safe ports…you may enter in to new contracts which could alter your life and such agreements may require quick decisions on your part. Marriage is one such contract that reacts favorably to this vibration”.  BOOM!

Our date was decided. 5/10/15--how perfect.


And it was Mother’s Day. Which was also perfect. You see I’ve spent most of my Mother’s Days in my life in a bit of a quandry which only got worse over time. Growing up without a mother, getting a terrible stepmother who didn’t evoke motherly love and then not being a mother myself, well you get the picture. Where do I belong?

On the side of a huge waterfall getting married and becoming a stepmommy, that’s where I belonged. Perfect.


As time went on, this date and this theme only started expressing itself with more magic, more serendipity, more joy.

You see, this date also was the date of John’s father’s passing. It was also Mother’s Day that year that his father died. You may recall, he proposed to me with his father’s wedding ring on a gold chain that his mother wore around her neck until she died. He found it just perfect we were reframing that date in history for him too. A new reference to that sad date.


As I reflected on other timing issues around our coupling, I realized that the date we’d chosen to marry was 23 weeks to the day of our first conversation which we considered our anniversary. Also on a Sunday. 2 + 3 = 5

It was 46 years to the day of his father’s passing 4 + 6 = 10. We’re marrying on the 10th.

One morning the week before leaving to get married I nearly fell over in the shower realizing that I was 5 when my mother died and John was 15 when his mother died. 5 /10/15


You can see I had no doubt in my mind we had picked the perfect date to get married and I actually began feeling like this moment was so perfect we’d be slipping through some kind of magical portal a la Narnia when we tied the knot that day at, you guessed it, 5:00 pm. And I think we did because everything just got more colorful and brighter after we said our vows that 23/5 day.

We checked in to our gorgeous room the night before our wedding at the beautiful Sheraton on the Falls and I think it was John who realized our room, number 2057 also reduced to, you got it : 5. (2 + 5 + 7 = 14. 1+4 = 5).  20th floor = 5 times 4.


It was all around us. All inside us, all woven between us. Our ancestors and our past and future all conspiring to bring us to this pivot in to our new lives. Yes the number 5 is the one where we pivot in the single numerals. As above, so below, the tipping point. The number where it all shifts, indeed.

On our wine tasting adventure we landed in an upstairs VIP tasting room and tasted their upscale sparkling wine which is called, you guessed it: 5. Of course we bought a bottle which we will be popping on our anniversary next year in the 5th month.


Right now there are all the 5’s I can remember but we tend to see them everywhere so John might have some more to add that I’ve forgotten.


I tingle when I think about this magic. And all of the signs and serendipity blessing our union and reminding us we are moving on the right path.

Not that we need it because I can tell you, this marriage is the best thing that’s happened to me in, well, forever.

A sneak peak at our wedding pics–stay tuned for more to come…