death penalty thoughts 1

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I decided a few months ago that I would no longer attend the Jodi Arias trial in person for personal reasons.  The retrial started this week and I am supporting the family from afar in my own private ways.  I’m also following things on twitter where I’m uncharacteristically tweeting (probably doing it all wrong as I’m not really familiar with the system) and sharing some things about the death penalty and murder trials and this “victim” position I’ve found myself in for 25 years.

The causes that are important to me have to do with trial reform and death penalty appeals reform.  Let me just preface this by saying that I am in no way attached to Cindy’s killer who remains on death row, Michael Apelt, being executed.  I know the odds are very slim that we will ever see it happen and it’s not important to me.  Or to the rest of my family.  So let’s get that out of the way.  What’s important though is he never be released from prison.  When her murderers were sentenced in 1990, the State of AZ had no LWOP (Life Without the possibility Of Parole) so the only sentence that made sense was Death.  They were young men, violent, dangerous predators and the death penalty was the only sentence which would maintain them in prison for the rest of their lives.  It was a no brainer.

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Rudi Apelt, the man who literally slit Cindy’s throat from ear to ear, was released from Death Row in 2009, 18 years after he was sentenced, on a “mental retardation” claim.  In fact, it was argued for both killers as soon as the Supreme Court ruled we can’t execute the mentally retarded.  Poof!  They became mentally retarded. Both of these sophisticated, well planned out, well strategized murderers and con men were argued to be mentally retarded (that link takes you to a very good article on this appeal).  The biased Judge, the only finder of fact, Silvia Arellano, ruled almost every single argument in their favor to the tune of seven years and 10 million dollars preparing and executing this ridiculous appellate mini trial.  My Dad and I had to testify as did some of our family friends.   It was clear to me Arellano held a bias and I learned at some point that she was planning to retire right after this decision.  One of her most egregious rulings was that nothing, as in NOTHING could be admitted in to evidence to argue retardation after the age of 18 for the murderers.  Meaning, read this carefully:  EVIDENCE OF THE CRIME COULD NOT BE CONSIDERED TOWARD THE DECISION FOR THE SENTENCE FOR THE CRIME. 

It has always been my belief that she intended to take out her tenure as a Judge with a big splash and let a Death Row inmate off the Row.  So she set it up that way.  And that she did. My Victim Impact Statement around this, that I read to a courtroom packed on the side of the killer and empty on the side of the State save my attorney, is posted at the end of this post.  Please read it.

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Judge Silvia Arellano who treated my family very very poorly while championing for two killers on Death Row–she released a violent killer from Death Row single handedly

The joke was kind of on all of them ultimately because those brothers had been afforded the luxury of being housed in cells on Death Row one on top of the other for many years I’m told.  When you are locked in a cell 23 hours a day that is about 7 feet wide and you are 6 foot  5 and 6 foot 7 and a non-native English speaker, I suspect having your brother within barking distance through a vent is a pretty fine luxury.  They lost that proximity with this win; Rudi was moved to another prison altogether and they will never see or speak to each other ever again.

Karma.

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Death penalty opponents are the loudest voices out there, speaking of barking, about all kinds of causes to champion these worst of the worst of our society they’ve deemed new “victims”.  They rant about many  things for these murderers, not the least of which this argument about how the death penalty is so expensive.  While at the same time, demanding decades of ridiculous, frivolous, lengthy and costly appeals to the tune of millions of taxpayer dollars per killer.  Tens of millions actually.  PER KILLER.  Yes, I do agree it’s expensive and I know who’s making it so.  And I know who’s paying for it: you and me.

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Opponents also like to spout about how the death penalty is thwarted by angry family members hell bent on vengeance.  While they refuse to leave family members alone to grieve, sometimes showing up on their doorstep unannounced of, say, the sister of a murder victim asking her to assist in her sister’s murderer’s appeal.  Right within a couple of weeks of the anniversary of her sister’s murder.  At Christmas time.  Strategized thinking this might be a good time to ambush her as she might be more raw, more vulnerable–aka more manipulatable.  Unmitigated gall.

So yes, the death penalty needs reform.  Why do we as a culture think it’s ok to impose a sentence we know will never really be carried out?  How many people actually pay attention to what happens after a killer receives the death penalty?  I’m here to tell you, not many.  Not many at all, other than those championing for the killers. Most death row inmates have a better chance of being struck by lightning and killed within the confines of the prison than they ever do being executed.  At least in states like AZ and CA.  Yet these opponents love to use terminology like “the State wants to kill this person”.  They’re not stupid.  They know the chance of actual execution is almost nil.  Yet they love to perpetuate the drama like this while blaming families for being “angry” “vengeful” “unforgiving”.

Dragging out the process and it’s impact on families is one of my causes that I’m using this platform to speak about because I believe “without awareness there is no choice”.  I’m not some pious person spouting opinions and morality plays.  I’m living this every single day.

There is another big issue related to this which I will write more about down the road.  Stay tuned.

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Don’t get me wrong.  These concerns don’t dominate my life in the remotest way.  I have a brilliant, free and enviable life (if you look at my present that is).  Heck I’d envy it myself if I wasn’t living it.  But I’ve had to navigate a mine field to enjoy it.  I’ve learned those skills well but really, why put an innocent casualty of a sociopathic killer in a mine field to live out their life?  Intentionally.  And keep throwing bombs at them throughout their entire life in the name of “justice” or “saving a life”?  Shame on you.  And it happens to people more vulnerable than me:  parents of murdered children, elderly victims, people like my brother.

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I think know the system needs reform.  I do think there needs to be a higher level of punishment for the worst of the worst in our society, like Jodi Arias so we can at least find out if it can be a deterrent.  How can anyone ever research the deterrent effect of death penalty effectively when the consequence being fulfilled is so unlikely for the killer, so remote that it doesn’t even exist in the same lifetime.  With killers who normally, by nature, don’t consider consequences in the first place?

I have ideas that don’t involve execution that I’d be completely happy with.  One where those millions wasted on killers’ appeals could go to say, the homeless or the mentally ill.  What a concept right?  One where a quality of life for this evil person fits the crime, is in some way escalated and where they lose all possibility of ever being released.  EVER.  As it stands now, I sincerely believe a death row inmate has a higher possibility of prison release than a lifer doing time for a non violent crime.  Simply because they have more help. And really really good help.  At our expense whether we like it or not.

I don’t like it.

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Things can change.  That little bitch worm murderer advocate who showed up on my doorstep that December morning asking me to help Cindy’s killer get out of prison will never be able to do that again to anyone else because she did it to me.  My victims’ rights lawyer, because this happened to me, changed legislation and closed the loophole to disallow this kind of victim abuse to ever happen again in the State of AZ.  It was traumatic, unnecessary and abusive.

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We can make a difference.  And my first step is just speaking up about some of these things.  With some street cred.

And I think while people are embedded in thoughts of the death penalty regarding Jodi Arias, which by the way she deserves,  it’s a good time for me to be doing just that.

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I hope this kicks a pebble that starts some kind of avalanche.  And if anyone out there reading has a direction to point me, please send me the compass.  I’m all ears.

Dedicated to my sister Cindy Monkman. 

cindychicken9/16/1958 – 12/23/1988

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My Victim Impact Statement after the mental retardation ruling on Rudi Apelt:

Why have I chosen to take time out of my busy schedule once again to drive to Florence to give this impact statement? I ask myself the same question as I honestly don’t think anything I have to say will make much difference or cause much impact toward the decision on resentencing this defendant but the question always is “can I live with myself if certain decisions are made and know I’ve said nothing?

So, here I am with a few things to say.

I don’t intend to get in to the impact this crime itself has had on me personally or on my family. Partly because I don’t think it’s necessary at this stage and partly because I think it could potentially do more harm than good. I’ll let you fill in the blanks on how losing your only
sister/ your oldest daughter on the day before Christmas impacts on a family. To a vicious senseless murder for money.

I will tell you the impact of this particular hearing and decision over the last several years has had and has the potential to have on me and my family.

When the men who murdered my sister in this cold blooded plot were sentenced to death, we were told there were two options in the State of AZ — Life with the possibility of parole in 25 years and Death which meant they would never get out of prison. Of course, no matter how we might have felt politically about the death penalty, we knew these were young men and would still be as violent and dangerous in 25 years, perhaps more so and the Death Penalty was the only sentence that insured the public’s and our safety from them forever. We were
warned that in time, the tables would turn, the victim would be forgotten and the murderers would be seen as victims. Well that time has come, over 20 years after the loss of my sister. It’s still hard to fathom but it’s the absolute reality now.

I am here to remind the court who the true victim of this crime was, and still is. It was my sister Cindy who was my only sister, fourteen months older than me, whose life was taken for one motive: money. On the day before we were to fly home for Christmas on Christmas eve 1988. I was 29 years old and she was 30. We grew up together with each other to lean on as we lost our mother at a very young age. She was kind and truly an innocent and the defense in both trials could produce no evidence about her in a derogatory way — there simply was none. She was like a lamb to slaughter with the men who murdered her — Rudi and Michael Apelt.

The victim was not and still is not the man, Rudi Apelt, who is being resentenced today. The man who wielded the knife that slashed Cindy’s throat from ear to ear leaving her to be discovered by a young boy in the desert on Christmas Eve.. Rudi Apelt, who has served another prison sentence for a violent rape of another woman in Germany. Rudi Apelt
who conned many women throughout the Phoenix area during the months prior to the murder of my sister for money, use of their car, a living situation in their home, procurement of goods, all of these actions performed ALONE and not in the presence of his brother or any other familiar person to him. All of these facts are clearly documented in the trial transcripts. He is a violent man, a repeat offender and took the life of my sister for money. I do not believe he demonstrates any signs of mental retardation in the commission of this crime–quite
the contrary, in fact. Sophisticated, calculated and cold-blooded homicide are not adjectives I would ascribe to the mentally retarded.

I am here also to tell you the impact that just this one hearing lasting several years has had on my family. My 78-year-old father was required to testify and cancel a prepaid trip to China because the Court would not consider a 2-week postponement of the original hearing
for this which he was required to testify at. This postponement was the one and only thing my family ever asked of this Court in the many YEARS leading up to this hearing and it was not granted. This was perhaps my father’s only opportunity to go to China for the rest of his lfe.
Yet the defense in this case was granted delay after delay over a period of years causing me and my family to be inconvenienced, put plans on hold, prepare ourselves emotionally only to be told yet another delay for the defense for years upon years.

I opened my door one December day, 3 years go, ironically the same day I was planning to decorate my house for Christmas which you can imagine what a task that is for me year after year seeing my sister’s bloody body was discovered in the desert on Christmas Eve morning, only to find an advocate for Rudi Apelt misrepresenting herself to me and asking for my cooperation with this very issue–the mental retardation hearing. And this advocate bald-faced lied to me in my own home assuring me that this murderer, if reversed in sentence, would be
resentenced to life WITHOUT parole. Yes of course she knew this was impossible due to sentencing guidelines yet chose to manipulate me in this way. What did I or my family ever do to deserve this kind of treatment? Laws have been changed now to disallow the abuse of victims in this manner in the State of AZ because of this heinous situation I endured.

My father and I endured sitting in a courtroom often being the only representatives on the side of the State while onlookers filled the side of the defendant hoping obviously to glean some kind of clues for arguing their murderer clients were also mentally retarded to avoid the ultimate penalty.

I have personally learned that in addition to the tides of sympathy swinging away from the murder victim to the murderer over the years that the “worst of the worst” in our society, once on Death Row, receive the “best of the best” when it comes to legal assistance. I am
convinced that a death row inmate has a greater chance of being released from prison than a “lifer” serving a term for a nonviolent crime, simply because more people care about those on Death Row. The murderers also receive free websites which read like singles ads soliciting donations, penpals, wives and the like. When the “serial shooter” claimed to desire the death penalty in his sentencing hearing this year, I completely understood what was motivating him — and it most certainly wasn’t a possibility of execution.

My one consolation with this preposterous ruling/resentencing is that finally Rudi Apelt will receive what he deserves. Which is to be forgotten, finally. I have no doubt that those helping so fervently over the years will drop him like a hot potato once he no longer holds the prestige of Death Row status and he will fade in to the woodwork with all the other violent common criminals in the general population. Until of course we are asked to appear at parole hearings. Then we will be forced to remember him and his violence once again. When do we ever
get to let this go? Do we?

Finally, I did not come all the way down here with any delusions that my words would have any true impact whatsoever on the outcome of this hearing. Biases have been shown throughout and I hold no fantasies that my family’s feelings and wishes will fall in to consideration. Yet let it be known, we all have a certain degree of terror at the thought of
Rudi Apelt ever being released from prison due to a possible switch to concurrent sentences where he could have the possibility of actually being paroled. Yes that terrifies my family and me personally. This again is the man who took my sister in to the desert, and among other
violent acts, slit her throat. Then enjoyed a celebratory meal with his co-murderer/conspirators at a restaurant using her credit card right after commiting the murder. Call it what you want, but I call that nothing but a DANGER TO SOCIETY. His sentences, at the very least,
need to remain CONSECUTIVE to protect society from his violence. Call him mentally retarded, call him an imbecile, call him an idiot savant, whatever you wish. But call his behavior what it has been: VIOLENT and DANGEROUS.

The reason I did come though is in hopes that down the road, whatever decision is reached as a result of this resentencing hearing is REVIEWED by hopefully a non biased individual who has no political agenda at stake. Then that a sound decision will be made then that will prohibit this dangerous individual Rudi Apelt from ever being released from prison again. And to allow me and my family to finally move forward without ever having to worry about him again. And to hopefully get to begin to live a life where we get to focus on remembering my sister’s life and not her violent death.

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Just getting in from going to the luxury IPIC theatre to see the movie “The Butler” with Alfonse.  Wow, what a movie.  What a tear jerker!  I’m emotionally drained from this film!  I highly recommend it.

It was nice to get out and do something fun with John.  We love that theatre because they have these “first class” comfortable reclining seats with a pillow and blanket and a great screen/sound system.  Tuesdays are “member night” so we saved $8 a seat and it’s less crowded.

It was bittersweet for me remembering the first time we went there several months ago or maybe even a year ago, when John was well and upbeat/animated exclaiming over and over how special and wonderful this place is.  Bitter because his mental status is so different now and sweet because it reminded me how high functioning he can be.

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I really don’t think he can get back to this level with this team.  And that’s ok.  They are used to dealing with the “discards” of the mental illness world.  People who’ve been abandoned by everyone else, who are so bad off that they’ve fallen in to this “ACT Team”. And for that reason, in my opinion, they are allowed to be lazy or apathetic or unmotivated without checks and balances.

Then they run in to me, likely their worst nightmare.

In thinking about this program, and observing them in the brief time I have, it seems they receive their funds via the funding provided for people like my brother.  But, what it appears, is they spend most of their time in meetings, in “staffings” , in documenting what they need to document in order to keep those funds coming in, to keep their jobs in their small cubicles.  But what it doesn’t seem they focus on is actually interacting with the people there they are mandated to serve.

I was warned about this by our attorney.  He broke it all down for me. That these programs, these workers are kind of at the end of the line.  And that’s what you get from them.  I get it.  It doesn’t excuse it but it’s clearly what is happening.  But don’t call yourself an “intensive monitoring program” and not even offer the bare minimum of “monitoring”.  I don’t like false advertising in anything, especially when it comes to the basic health and safety of my brother.

I googled ACT Team and this is what I found:  their model.

http://www.actassociation.org/actModel/

PRINCIPLES OF ACT Assertive Community Treatment services adhere to certain essential standards and the following basic principles:

  • PRIMARY PROVIDER OF SERVICES: The multidisciplinary make-up of each team (psychiatrist, nurses, social workers, rehabilitation, etc.) and the small client to staff ratio, helps the team provide most services with minimal referrals to other mental health programs or providers. The ACT team members share offices and their roles are interchangeable when providing services to ensure that services are not disrupted due to staff absence or turnover.
  • SERVICES ARE PROVIDED OUT OF OFFICE: Services are provided within community settings, such as a person’s own home and neighborhood, local restaurants, parks and nearby stores.
  • HIGHLY INDIVIDUALIZED SERVICES: Treatment plans, developed with the client, are based on individual strengths and needs, hopes and desires. The plans are modified as needed through an ongoing assessment and goal setting process.
  • ASSERTIVE APPROACH: ACT team members are pro-active with clients, assisting them to participate in and continue treatment, live independently, and recover from disability.
  • LONG-TERM SERVICES: ACT services are intended to be long-term due to the severe impairments often associated with serious and persistent mental illness. The process of recovery often takes many years.
  • EMPHASIS ON VOCATIONAL EXPECTATIONS: The team encourages all clients to participate in community employment and provides many vocational rehabilitation services directly.
  • SUBSTANCE ABUSE SERVICES: The team coordinates and provides substance abuse services.
  • PSYCHOEDUCATIONAL SERVICES: Staff work with clients and their family members to become collaborative partners in the treatment process. Clients are taught about mental illness and the skills needed to better manage their illnesses and their lives.
  • FAMILY SUPPORT AND EDUCATION: With the active involvement of the client, ACT staff work to include the client’s natural support systems (family, significant others) in treatment, educating them and including them as part of the ACT services. It is often necessary to help improve family relationships in order to reduce conflicts and increase client autonomy.
  • COMMUNITY INTEGRATION: ACT staff help clients become less socially isolated and more integrated into the community by encouraging participation in community activities and membership in organizations of their choice.
  • ATTENTION TO HEALTH CARE NEEDS: The ACT team provides health education, access, and coordination of health care services.                                                                                                

This would be funny if it wasn’t so tragic.

This is the one that just kills me:

HIGHLY INDIVIDUALIZED SERVICES: Treatment plans, developed with the client, are based on individual strengths and needs, hopes and desires. The plans are modified as needed through an ongoing assessment and goal setting process.

John has not been “assessed” by anyone in the program and there has been no plan to assess him that I can ascertain.  I can’t believe that at some point this morning I was told the sum total of what he will receive from the program are 5 min visits to watch him put his pills in his mouth and swallow. That’s it.  Anything else, he needs to “ask for” or some other smokescreened excuse for offering a sum total of zero “highly individualized services”.  Highly individualized indeed.  He was shoved like a cattle in a line in to taking his sedating bedtime meds at 5pm.  Shaking my damn head.  Frauds.

Let me just go back to the meeting this morning.  We met first with the Dr.  She asked John to describe how he’s been doing.  It would take a cursory look at him to realize he’s not doing well, that he is obviously very depressed (mornings are worst). She assessed the correct things, asking him if he was having hallucinations (yes), thoughts of harming himself (no), thoughts of harming others (no), feelings of depression (yes), etc.  She’s not horrible.  My gut tells me she’s new to this job and relies heavily on the bitchy controlling Care Coordinator for the management of this program.  Fine.

She made med changes which is really her function in the team.  Good.

She then turned to me and I outlined what happened with the Risperdone.  I watched her kind of glaze over, basically only concerned that John had gotten this med but not what it took for him to get it.  I was glad I’d documented it all and requested it be “red flagged” in his file.  I pulled out my letter in the envelope and told her I’d documented everything, that I was very concerned about the lack of care John has received in his first week with the ACT Team as well as things that, in my opinion, jeapordized his basic safety.

She then suggested bringing the Care Coordinator in.  Fine.  She walked in already with a defensive attitude as there was a little meeting outside the office before she entered. She was probably forewarned that I was “difficult” or “disgruntled”.  As I expected, she was defensive and turning things back on us such as “what are you not getting that you are expecting”.  I’m pretty sure I said something like “anything past a 5 minute med check per day, a meeting with a case manager, a plan, something”.  At some point I was told that the med check was all John would be receiving with this program like this was adequate monitoring and I was expecting too much.  Really?  WTF?

I then kept asking “why if you have all these case managers out there specializing in voc rehab, recreation, home management, etc” has John not been assessed or contacted by anyone?  How will he receive these services?  What needs to happen because he’s sitting around all day alone unless I’m pushing him to attend classes. Ohyeah, she used that as an indicator he was well managed, that he had attended classes.  They have no way of monitoring that, have not helped him create a schedule, encouraged him to go, nothing.  I reminded them both that they only reason he was doing anything with these classes was because I was spending time with him daily and creating a plan for his day.  She said “well then where is the problem?”.  “It’s not my job” I replied.  “So you think that’s OUR job?” she defensively barked back.  “Yes, it is” I said.

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Finally after this back and forth power struggle, she relented that his case manager should assess his needs (this teenage looking Justin Bieber lookalike with a backwards baseball cap who’s only question to John was “do you like to play video games?” with a laugh, clearly wishing John did, so his home visits could be entertaining for HIM).  I asked when this assessment was planning to take place as John had not been contacted by him or anyone.  She explained that Justin Bieber’s twin needs to “assess” John and if he determines John has any of these needs, then he brings it to the team, they staff it and decide if John needs these services then and only then is he assigned a case manager who, I guess, at some point will contact him.  Oh and she told me “Justin” has been on vacation since last week so that’s why he hasn’t contacted John.  I just kept saying “John has been in this program for a week, low functioning, and receiving no case management after two weeks of no services at all after he got out of the hospital”.   I guess when someone goes on vacation, everyone they are managing is just put on hold until they get back, including the Dr. herself.

Both this woman and the Dr. looked at me like I was speaking an ancient unintelligible language as I kept asking these questions.  Finally, she relented that “Justin” would be contacting John this week, seeing him every other week at his home ( sorry no video games) and the other weeks “in the community” resulting in one visit per week.  I won’t hold my breath that this will actually take place but I sure will monitor it.  Finally I got something clearly and distinctly promised to us.  If this doesn’t happen, I can hold them accountable to something specifically promised.  Sigh….having to monitor a “team” supposedly created to intensely monitor their unstable participants is exhausting and scary.  Bottom line:  I don’t trust them and don’t think I ever will.  Why would I?  Why would anyone?

As she walked out I told her that even the med checks have been inconsistent and that John waited all Sat. evening and no one showed up. She shrugged and said “ohyeah I know who that was, I’ll talk to them”.  So the one and only service John was to receive is “optional” it seems.  Again, shaking my damn head.

The Dr. however seems ok.  She made a change in John’s meds, made sure he was set up with the meds he needs and made sure he has an appointment with her next week.  Ms. Bitchy seemed shocked the Dr. wanted to see him back so soon and shot her a look of surprise but the Dr. insisted she wanted to see him that soon.  Good.  Usually the Dr. just sees them once per month.  I’m sure Bitchy was annoyed that John was being given “preferential treatment”.  I reminded them both we gave up the one person who WAS monitoring John weekly for this program for him to get no one monitoring him other than making sure he puts pills in his mouth (pills they don’t even check that they are the correct ones by the way, just the pills John, himself has placed in his med box), which by the way, HE doesn’t NEED.  “Individualized Care” , right.

By the way, Dr. Yasinski, who’s not even treating John right now, emailed me last night inquiring how he was doing.  How many signs do I need about who cares about John and who doesn’t?

compassion-KO

I really wonder what would have happened had I not shown up.  More of the same I suspect.

I did get his “med checks” changed to the morning after Ms. Bitchy reminded me repeatedly that the 5pm time is all they can offer.  “Then it needs to be changed to mornings” and the Dr. did so.  I get this feeling she would retaliate against John for the trouble I caused if not held accountable.  That’s terrifying and why I included this as the last paragraph of my letter:

I trust my voicing my concerns in no way will affect my brother’s ability to receive services from the ACT Team or Choices Enclave. I’ve also sent a copy to the medical director of Choices Network so that everyone is in the loop regarding the concerns addressed in this letter.

“Choices Network” is the entire organization and it’s a Psychiatrist, a female who runs it so I sent the letter to her.  I’m sure by now I’ve been labeled as a “red flag” myself but do I look like I give a shit?

I feel certain once I return from my vacation, we will be putting together a new team and ditching this marginally functioning pathetic program.  I just need to know that John’s basic needs are met elsewhere (meds, weekly blood draws, etc) before I yank him.  I asked him how he felt about everything as we drove home from the movie and he said “I just think they are getting away with the bare minimum”.  BOOM.

I reassured him he deserves the best.  And that I won’t give up on him, Dad won’t give up on him and we will do everything we can to get him the best care we can.  I only hope this sinks in on some deep level to feed his soul in some way.  The voices are already creeping up saying “no one cares about you, no one likes you”. Now how has the neglectful actions of this program not reinforced that?  It’s disgusting.

I’m glad I went to the appointment and glad I hand carried my letter and glad I held their feet to the fire.  It remains to be seen what they come up with once I’m gone.  Right now I’m just hoping he doesn’t land back in the hospital and if he needs hospitalization that anyone will even notice that.   I will have John document for me the visits he gets though as not only do I see a team change in his near future but a formal complaint issued right after that to the Behavioral Health Board for the State.  One thing I can do is persuasively write.  Oh and the other thing they don’t realize is that I’ve got the most influential mental health lawyer in the State on my side and we see him on Thursday.

I don’t expect to effect a change in the way this apathetic program functions but who knows?  Maybe my attorney will direct me to help effect change on a more global, political level in our State which would be a good place for me to put my energy.  Think of all the patients without an advocate that are being “monitored” by these ineffective nitwits.  It’s heartbreaking really.

Thank you all for all the support/suggestions/letter rewrites and everything else over this issue.  It was ALL helpful to me.  I took all of the ideas and formed them in to one semi bullet pointed letter. 😉

And more than anything I’m glad I got John out of the house for some fun tonite.  Even though he’s not at his full functioning mode, we did have a good time and at one point I got so emotional during this movie, I reached out to his hand on the hand rest and squeezed it.  He squeezed so hard back it hurt but I didn’t let go for a long time.

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I just hope John can feel my hand even when I’m across the country for 10 days.