To the 11 jurors (and the alternates) who followed the law and deliberated and saw this case for what it really is: a first degree calculated homicide with deliberate intent to take an unarmed man’s life, cover it up, lie about every aspect about it for years then hijack the legal system by blaming him for his own slaughter, I say thank you for seeing Jodi Arias as she truly is–a vicious “psychopath” as one of you called her.
First of all I want to make this very important point. You all have PTSD right now. Not just from the horror you had to endure in that courtroom and images you were forced to be exposed to again and again but from the trauma of having to deal with the heinous deliberations you did. I have no doubt that every single one of you is suffering from PTSD and you would have even if the jury had been unanimous. This isn’t your fault nor is it a sign of weakness. It is a very natural result of having to sit in stunned silence for the months that you did while this Psychopath hijacked your lives while being traumatized like that. It is very important that you understand the symptoms of this and, if needed, get treatment. At the very least, keep talking to the people on the jury you bonded with as processing it verbally is one way to release the trauma from the nervous system. I am an expert in PTSD both personally and professionally and any of you may contact me for more resources if you feel you need them. Helping you is something I would feel a great sense of satisfaction participating in.
Let me introduce myself a bit. My sister Cindy, pictured on the left, was murdered here in AZ by two men who took her life for money. She was 30 years old just like Travis. She was murdered in an almost identical way as Travis–stabbed numerous times, nearly decapitated and her body left to be found by others. She also lived in Mesa. Her killers were, like Jodi, found guilty of first degree murder and sentenced to death. That was 24 years ago and they are both still alive and in the system. The Death penalty is not for sissies when it comes to the aftermath and the burden/abuse it places on families. I’ve said many times that the death penalty opponents who have championed for the men who left my sister’s slaughtered body in the desert on Christmas Eve 1988 have been the most abusive to me personally as well as my family members. Unlike the Alexanders we had it pretty easy, comparatively, during Cindy’s killers’ original trials.
There is a whole lot on the internet about our trials but I’m not going to ask you to read it because the last thing you need to be exposed to right now is more murder. I only give that introduction so you know I have credibility with what I am saying to you.
You all made a valiant effort in that jury room and I, as a surviving sister of homicide, applaud each and every one of you. The outcome had nothing to do with any of you not doing your job or trying hard enough. It clearly had to do with an errant juror with an agenda and so much damage herself that it created a wall, a wall she now has to live behind for the rest of her life. I would not want to walk in her shoes.
I know you feel like you’ve let down the Alexanders. That is a normal feeling. Yet I believe that they know and have compassion for the impossible situation you were in. All of your brave words in the interview I’m sure have been healing for them. Keep speaking about it in any way that you can. The validation you’ve given over the TRUTH of this case is, in itself, a healing balm. The fact that you saw this horrific nightmare as it truly is, is a medicine only you can give and I’d say keep giving it. It is healing for all of us who watched the trial in the ways of feeling like she truly didn’t “beat the system”.
Now what I’m going to say may be somewhat controversial but it is my belief and I hope it helps you. I’ve been ambivalent about this phase all along. For only one reason: I know what the aftermath of the Death Penalty is on families. Yet I’ve been supportive of Jodi receiving it because she deserves it. Under the law, which you followed, it represents the appropriate sentence for her crime: the worst of the worst. I attended nearly every day of the first phase of the trial so saw every day of her 19 day testimony in person and I will tell you she is the scariest killer I’ve ever witnessed, including both men who killed my sister.
I have many reasons for that assessment but it’s not my aim today — my agenda is to help you heal and get perspective on this. Jodi’s going to prison for life (she will never get out, don’t worry about that–it will not happen) will bring long term relief to the Alexanders. Not in this moment understandably but in the long term they will truly much more easily be able to detach from her.
17 years after my sister’s killers were sentenced to death, we went back to court for a lengthy hearing to determine if they were “mentally retarded” thus ineligible for the Death Penalty. How convenient that once the Supreme Court issued a ruling that we can’t execute the mentally retarded, these highly sophisticated manipulative sociopaths became “mentally retarded” overnight.
They conducted an extensive and sophisticated conspiracy to murder my sister for money and cover it up, yet were granted this relief in the system. Without burdening you with the extensive trauma this inflicted on me and my family I will just let you know that one of them was released from Death Row as a result of that hearing. The one who had served 5 years prior for a violent rape and the one who slit Cindy’s throat was granted reprieve and now lives, like Jodi, in AZ State Prison general population.
The other killer, his brother, remains on death row. I continue to receive notices on that one several times a year. He continues to fight for appeals after appeals and we may be dragged back in to court again. He will likely never be executed nor would Jodi. He alone on death row has drained taxpayer dollars in the tens of millions simply in legal fees for people fighting to get him reprieve. This stopped completely with his brother who is now a lifer like Jodi Arias. Just some perspective.
I am not against execution, I just know how the system operates. I am a very strong person but have had to navigate these waters since I was 29 years old. I am now 55 and still navigating them. To say it hasn’t had an impact on me would be lying.
You can draw your own conclusions about what I am saying and it’s not political, it’s practical. You will come to make peace with this outcome in your own ways and I am out here sending you love and support through the air waves. If any of you ever would want to talk to me, I am open to doing so and know how to keep confidentiality (I used to be a Psychiatric Nurse so it’s in my DNA).
None of you, not one of you, did anything wrong. Please know this. Keep breathing deep…this will pass.
Now on to Juror 17 I have some things to say.
There are many things floating around the internet right now about you but for now, the only ones that I want to address are comments your fellow jurors have made about you.
You managed to position yourself right next to Jodi Arias, at this moment, in solidarity. Jodi Arias who is considered “the most hated woman in America”.
This is an interesting choice for someone who, it appears, has suffered abuse herself. You chose this position not for a “stand” you selected after a considered opinion but more for a stubborn refusal to consider the facts of this case.
This was one simple decision: did the mitigating factors outweigh the aggravating factors in this murder?
Let me make it even more simple for you.
Did Jodi Arias’ age, mental status, claims of childhood “abuse” etc. outweigh 29 stab wounds, a near decapitation and a gunshot to the face. Deliberate, planned, premeditated and covered up at length.
You chose to cling to your own personal belief system instead of looking at the cold hard facts and consider the one obvious “yes or no” in this simple equation. You chose, for whatever personal history reasons you had/have to believe the character assassinations on the victim in this case Travis Alexander.
Let’s be clear on this one fact. The only, absolutely only reports of Travis Alexander being an abusive man to Jodi Arias in the ways she described, came from her. A known and admitted pathological liar with a serious agenda to save herself. I’m talking about the “rape” incident, the “pedophilia” incident, the “body slamming” incidents.
I agree, he may have not had good boundaries with her and you might even call him a “player”. Ok, I’ll give you that. No one has life skills to deal with a sociopath, even if you already have had to, like me.
Does this equate abuse severe enough to nearly chop off his head deliberately, with a considered plan and execution? Is this what you think an appropriate “punishment” is for stringing a woman along and, being generous, playing “mind games” with her (although I think the mind games were from Jodi to Travis personally).
Who were you really trying to protect here? Yourself? Your abusers? Your wall of denial?
What you succeeded, yes you, single handedly succeeded at, was creating a triumph for abusers everywhere. This trial and your participation in it specifically, sent a message that defense attorneys can malign a victim, a dead person (who could also be a woman or child by the way), straight from the unsubstantiated mouth of their perpetrator and find at least one person to buy that story thus excusing their crime. That person was you.
Now defenders of child molesters like Kirk Nurmi, because of you, will feel more confident in blaming those victims openly in court claiming their child victims asked for it, wanted it, deserved it. You and your stubborn wall of whatever kicked that door wide open in this high profile trial. Defense attorneys will be in search of a “you” on a jury feeling more empowered to use this “attack the victim” strategy to garner a win. They might even study your personality like a bug to understand your unique weakness they can exploit, like happened in this trial.
These are the things you have to live with now for the rest of your life. You name is linked forever with a vicious first degree murderer who planned to have sex with her victim, get him defenseless in a shower where he was as vulnerable as a person can be then attack him with a knife when he was truly trapped. That could have been a woman in that shower. Would your blindness have been the same?
This is your life legacy now and it will never leave you. That is the price you paid for indulging this pain based stubbornness you cling to. Your future will be your reward for this very ill advised decision and you will be reminded of this every day of your life even if you wake up to reality one day. This makes your life much like Jodi Arias’, imprisoned, although I suspect you have a conscience unlike the murderer which will make your suffering far greater than hers will ever be. And, like Arias, there will be no pardon. This is your life now. I feel sorry for you. I don’t think it’s what you intended but it’s what you created.
Having written these words and released them, I won’t give you any more energy but I did have to say them.
I am more interested now in placing my efforts on changes to disallow people like Kirk Nurmi, Jodi Arias, Jennifer Willmott, Maria De La Rosa and certain members of the media who supported them to further malign and abuse victims using the court system. It’s beyond the levels of human decency and We the People fund it. Can you imagine a court system which tries to blame a toddler for being raped? This is one small step away from that world. And I for one, am ready to see it change before it escalates further. This abuse of victims should pivot with this trial and I will keep speaking out about that as a taxpayer until someone hears me who matters.
To those reading out there who are also suffering from PTSD who followed this case, exacerbated by this unfathomable non-verdict, because I know there are many of you/us, I say this: please know this is real. Please don’t deny your feelings or think you can just go back to normal. This was a collective shock felt round the world and you are not alone. There is help. I know this first hand.
This felt like Evil triumphed over Good but I believe that never really sticks. That’s just my belief system and although this trial, like for many of you out there, rocked me to the core, I have a really great life. A life filled with healing and love and joy and laughter and fun that is untainted by the tragedy that has befallen my family and continues to invade. There is the largest part of me that has never been touched.
Healing is always possible.
In closing I will share the words that sifted down in to my mind on the last day of our trials: “they may have taken her life but they’re not getting mine.” Please take them and use them for yourself.
If any of you out there need resources please contact me at katiecoolady@yahoo.com and I can hopefully direct you.
Thanks for taking the time to read. May peace wash over the Alexanders and all of Travis’ loved ones today and in the coming days/weeks/months.
two innocents 
Thank you Katie for your insight and your letter. May God bless you and use you for His Goodness.
This is the best response I’ve seen to a horrible situation and unbelievable outcome. Heartfelt and beautifully written. I hope at least one of your sister’s murderers gets what he deserve…and soon.
This letter was just what I needed. I was feeling things that i couldn’t put words to and the author of this letter did it beautifully!
What an amazing post!! You have such a way of saying everything so perfectly. I have no doubt that if anyone can affect change to ensure this never happens again, it’s you! I would love to help in any way I can, as I know do thousands of others. I don’t live even close to AZ, but I will do anything I can.
Thank you so much for your wisdom and insight.
Whoa! That “American Girl” came to your house? Watch your back. She obviously is one of the nutjob Jodi supporters. Yeah, poor Alice. Agrees to insert herself and “expert” opinion into a trial under worldwide scrutiny in exchange for $$ and then cries foul when the public lets her know what they think of her perjured pack of lies. He was an abuser and the woman who slaughtered him was a “victim,” according to dear Alice, because of her interpretation of a few emails in which he had lost his temper a bit. That’s all she had to go by, besides the word of the pathological liar who butchered him, because he was no longer around to give his side of the story. We reasonable people think the true victim had more than enough reason to be mad at the woman he rejected, perhaps because the psycho stalked him, peeped into his windows when he was with another woman, followed him on dates with others, repeatedly slashed his expensive tires, slashed his date’s tires, forever showed up at and inside his home unannounced, snuck inside through the doggy door, hid under the Christmas tree, electronically broke into many of his private Internet accounts, leeched off of him and took him to the cleaners financially, and incessantly phoned, emailed, texted, instant messaged and spied in person on the man to know his every move. Yeah, reasonable people think a few angry words in emails were a meek and measured response to such unending harassment, not the “abuse” that only Alice could divine. By the way, your training may be in psychology, but your talent is writing. Yours was a beautiful piece. Thank you.
No, I just call my blog “my house”. 😉 And thank YOU for this sharing!
Kathy I have read most of your blog posts, as I too have been invested in this trial. I am so sorry for your loss and can feel the pain come through in your
Sorry, posted before finished. I was trying to say I can feel how much you suffered. Anyways, my family pokes fun at me saying how silly it is that I am so invested into this situation bc I don’t even know these people. It’s true I don’t and can’t explain why, except to say I didn’t know there were people walking this earth that are so evil. I do mean evil bc I’m so sick of people trying to apply a mental illness to horrible behavior. You have such grace and dignity given the situation you went through. I hope you have found happiness at last. It looks like you have. I am truly concerned with our justice system. I’m sorry, I just feel it’s outdated and just believe there has to be some revisions. When the murderer is protected at all cost, and the families are left to deal with the aftermath with what feels like no justice, it’s a tragedy. I just hate that most people don’t care about anything unless it involves them personally. I, however am going to at least try to find a way to make difference. I applaud you!
Dawn, that is the miraculous aspect of this case: that so many people like us around the world sympathize and feel compassion for Travis Victor Alexander and his family. I feel the reason we are so invested in this trial is because we sincerely hunger for truth and justice and we care. Also, TA to many people remind us of a loved one, a son, brother, father, uncle, friend, cousin, etc. and so we feel like we know him. Blessed are those who hunger for justice for they shall be satisfied. I studied this case and feel like I know it back and forth. One thing that always haunted me was the last inadvertent photo in the sequence of photos. I prayed and compared several pictures of the crime scene. Right before the non-verdict, God revealed to me what that photo signified. It is Travis’ forehead while he is face down right where the bedroom carpet meets the hallway tile and next to the wall. The photo that Mr. Juan Martinez believes shows the killer’s leg and Travis’ body face up is in fact, an upside down image of the killer bending over Travis’ body face down at the end of “his rainbow” at the end of the hallway. According to the time stamps, the last two inadvertent photos are upside down. The first time Detective Flores showed the killer this photo, she immediately said, “That Is Not My Foot!” She was right, that is her jacket (used to cover her weapons) and her hair (she had dyed it brown with blonde streaks). She had carried the camera in her right hand throughout the slaughter and it was at the end of the hallway when she threw the camera down. To do what? To bend down to hold Travis head and inflict the deep throat cut with her left hand. She stood looking down at him while his life ebbed out of him. This scene made her subconsciously say to Detective Flores in her intruders story, “He was just there.” At this point she initially started to push him off the carpet onto the tile floor causing her to kick the upside camera closer to his head and releasing the shutter button. That’s when the last photo was taken. It is Travis’ forehead and hairline. The blood streaking down is the blood from the divot cuts in his skull. I gasped when I realized this. I prayed that the jurors would see all these photos and the autopsy photos and come to the right unanimous verdict. However, now we know that Claudia Barrera Alejandro Suchta, the stealth and vendetta juror 17, did not want to look at the photos. Why? Because she had already made up her mind that she was going to hang the jury. Her own words at her latest TV interview condemned her, “I knew my decision was going to haunt me forever.” May God continue to bless the Travis family and may God give all who align themselves to evil their due reward.
This is the first time that I am on this site, someone from trial talk live said that everyone should read it. It was amazing. My grandson Randy was 19 when he was murdered by a monster. Randy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. That was 8 years ago. The monster that murdered my grandson with an ax only got 25 to life, the reason being the prosecutor said that if one juror feels sorry for him he could walk or get a lighter sentenance so we decided to accept the 25 to life. When we went to Idaho for the sentancing I just stared at him, read my impact statement and asked him Why, Why did you kill my grandson He had his whole life ahead of him. We have all changed because of him, my daughter especially. Ryan and Randy (his brother) were only 13 months apart they were very close. I live in Oregon and my daughter lives in San Diego, when I go back and visit I go to the cemetary lay flowers down and talk to him. When Randy was in pre school he made me a candle, When he turned 18 I asked Randy if he wanted the candle back and he said no grandma you keep it and give it to a child that I might have. I so glad that he didn’t want the candle, the first time the candle was lit was at his funeral, it lit right up and now on his birthday I light the candle for the minutes of his age and sing happy birthday to him . I still cry I kiss his picture every night and tell him I love him, go sleep with the angels. We have to go back to Idaho in 18 years when the monster is up for parole to make sure he dosen’t get out. Christmas is not the same, all I can do is place flowers on his stone. The pain lessens as time goes on I also pray every night that the monster dies in prison. Thank God he was caught, he was walking naked in January, cops stopped and asked what the hell he is doing and he said I just killed two people, which was Randy’s girlfriends step dad and Randy. My prayers are with you and I am hoping that you get to see one of the die, I think that would bring you peace.
Sorry for my misspelled words.
Marilyn Petrik
Thank you for writing Marilyn. That candle story really brought tears to my eyes…thank you so much for sharing. I also blog at http://www.middlechildbook.com where I am working on a book. Please keep reading/sharing. My heart goes to you and yours as well. ❤
BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN!
I actually shed tears while reading this. My heart goes out to you….MORE than that, YOUR heart has touched mine in a very BEAUTIFUL way!
Now, if I can only let this anger about all this go, but that will take time.
I hope all players are prosecuted to the full extent of the law, and I mean LONG PRISON SENTENCES so they can be with those they defend!
Thank you!
My thoughts are shared with you and have felt this way from the very beginning.Some how very very early on I realized how evil and manipulative Jodi is.I do have a member of my family that has the same phycopathy….i was so fearful that this trial would end in this manner as she also like my family member is quite intelligent.just went through an experience at the loss of my father where tihis sociopathic brother tormented all of us through the illness and passing of my beloved father.I won’t detail it but is and was very aware of her vicious and EVIL capabilities.So sad it took some people so long and was fooled by this horrible person.I know for a fact this is not over with Jodi.Her ever scheming mind is still quite active and more surprises yet to come…Thank you for this as it opened my eyes even more and solidified any minute doubt in my mind as these people are so able to blend at times that it leaves you questioning your oun thoughts….these jurors should take great comfort in the awareness and empathy you shared with them.Thank you.
I love your blog, it’s such a safe and happy place. Thank you for your wise words and clarity on this case . I find it hard to put into words how I feel about the victimization of Travis Alexander and in turn his family, the survivors, during these trials by Jodi Arias and her defense team. It was so pain filled to follow and observe it all. Even the after math given the news of the one hold out.
Katie, I am happy that you have found peace, healing, and such a lovely man, on your journey thru healing from losing your beloved sister.
Absolutely riveting and awe-inspiring article! The Jodi Arias trial, as well as your own personal story, have highlighted in great detail everything that is wrong about our judicial and jury systems. Without question, the laws need to be changed! Perhaps the most appropriate way to undo all of the damage that Jodi Arias, Kirk Nurmi, Jennifer Wilmott, Maria De La Rosa, Judge Sherry Stevens and all of their paid(off) so-called “experts” did to Travis Alexander’s reputation would be to get laws enacted to cease the atrocities-disguised-as-laws uncovered in this case, and in your sister’s case. Trashing the victim — particularly with absolutely no corroborating PROOF — is outrageous and has to STOP! Defense attorneys who use every delay tactic imaginable should be sanctioned. Using social media by defense counsel and/or staff in order to manipulate and incite the public should be grounds for disbarment and/or termination. When juror misconduct is uncovered after a trial concludes, the deliberations should be re-done, with that juror facing very severe legal consequences. Better yet, let’s abolish “jury of our peers” altogether in sentencing trials, and replace with a panel of judges who are experts in the law and less likely to be swayed by emotion. What a better way for your sister and Travis Alexander to leave a legacy than to use their cases to rehabilitate a corrupt and ineffective legal system! Thank you, Katie, for everything you are doing to make that a reality! You are truly an inspiration!
Thank you for saying this, Judy. To totally destroy a man the way these fools did is atrocious. Everyone expects a bit of battering will go on, but this was so far over the top as to be disgusting. To think the judge actually condoned it going on and on should be punishable.
I love all of your ideas and suggestions. Thing is WE the People PAY for all of those things. When do we draw and line and say enough? I say with this trial. I don’t know where this will land but I do think we need to keep speaking out about it. Thanks for your comment. ❤
Great article! I honestly feel like this juror simply made this “choice” because she saw a financial gain…..thinking a book deal, interviews, etc. You nor anyone else can make me change my thoughts that she and her convicted husband discussed the “gains” throughout the trial! Thanks again for the read! You are a great writer! I’m sorry for your loss!!!
I absolutely thought the same thing….that she saw a way to make a great deal of money off of this case by having the spotlight on her. I hope that no one gives her or her ex-con husband the opportunity to cash in on Travis Alexander’s death. God knows how many already have including the defense attorneys, her “specialist” and every witness they put on the stand with a guaranteed payday. It completely disgusts me.
I hope her cell is right next to Jodi’s when she gets sentenced for obstruction of justice,,,
Kathy. Your article was so touching and very well worded. I know they were your words bc i felt them. I am sorry for the loss of your sister but am happy that you are healing. You never know by expressing your feelings just who you will touch. Be assured you’ve touched many. I thank the jurors who made that decision. It was true, brave and said that justice should have been death but just 1 self serving selfish person decided No..im very dissapointed in her. Also the defense team and the others who sold out for the almighty dollar. We live in an evil world. .only can take hope in the promise of God. “Revenge is mine saith the Lord.” I hold on to that. God bless you and pray the healing for you and Alexanders. ❤
This letter was just incredible. So well written and says what most of us are feeling right now. This letter is a special gift to the jurors, family of Travis and followers of this trial. I have to visit my counselor after all this. It has affected me and I have to let this out.
I just want to say that this is not over yet because we will not let this juror get away with what she did. Nor will we let lawyers like Nurmi blame the victim anymore. I will do whatever I can to change the laws where this is concerned. Juror 17, Nurmi, Willmott, Maria and JSS, we will be watching you and we plan on seeing that justice is served for what you have put us all through. Karma is coming to bite you back…
To the 11 jurors who gave so much to see justice served, I owe you an apology for thinking that all of you were idiots when it was only one who had a separate agenda, and I want to thank you for your dedicated service to trying to see justice done and for giving up so much of your precious time to this case. It is sincerely appreciated.
To the family of Travis, we are praying for you and will never forget Travis and how special he was. Please heal and I am with you all the way in whatever you do.
Thank you again for this wonderful letter. I am sorry that that tragedy happened to your sister and will keep you all in my prayers.
Beautiful response..i loved i. It has affected me too. I havent been able to sleep. Its like an addiction that i cant stop worrying about. Hope we can all find peace some day.
Kathy KatieCoolady, wow! I’ve been reading your tweets and feel for your sister’s loss and your own harrowing experience. Your words here have impressed me and say exactly what I’ve been feeling and commented in some places. You, however, put everything in a beautiful, eloquent, deep, spiritual, and visual way. God bless you for your insight, wisdom, and your expertise. I hope the Alexanders follow your advice and hope everyone feels closure in some way because Evil Did Not Triumph Over Good. There is so much good out there and in our lives that we are so fortunate to experience. Something that evil and evil supporters will not have because of their own hell they created for themselves. Thank you, Kathy and God bless you thoroughly!!!
I am crying and so appreciate what you have written and grateful there are people like you that put this into words. Thank you so very much. You have a gift of expressing your thoughts and knowledge that is priceless.
Thru my tears, at this point in time, all I can say is “Thank You”.
Amazing… amazing letter… Perfect… and yes, through my tears, too, thank you for this priceless seed of wisdom that you unselfishly shared with us… may time heal your heart, too…
There are no words that can say it better than what has been said here….you have left us speechless!
Thank you for your comments, they were very well thought out! So sorry for your loss. Far Too much violence in this world.
Katie, thank you so much for these words. I found them so comforting, as I have been having trouble accepting this verdict and the stories that I am hearing about Juror #17. I’m angry, sad, disappointed, disgusted and wanting something done about this, when what I really need to do is forget it and be done with it. So hard to do right now. But I have to say that reading your words here have helped me to come to a small closure anyhow. I do feel better about everything or somewhat comforted.
I also want to send you my condolences on the loss of your beautiful sister. I’m so sorry that you had to go through the same thing that this Alexander family has had to go through. No One should have to be subjected to this kind of tragedy. I just hope something more is done with these sick, twisted people in the future. They should be put to death, immediately, no waiting 20 or 30 years!
Thank you again dear.
I would like to know how to find your blog. My email is: rosiepreston83@gmail.com Could you please sent it to me?
You are on one of my blogs Rose. Lol the other one for the book is http://www.middlechildbook.com
First I would like to say I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister.Reading this brought tears to my eyes.I pray that all who was involved in corrupting this verdict is punished severely including the judge who was crooked from day one.I watched this demons trial from day one then they took that away from the public and secret meetings behind closed doors and secret testimonies from the demon herself was so wrong.This judge needs to be in a cell right by the demon for all her wrong doings.My heart is heavy right now for the Alexander family..Thank you for sharing this touching true story with all of us.
I totally agree with you about the judge, have not trusted her from day one. Very smart message here.
A very well formulated letter and I do agree in most of the things said, especially following: No One should have to be subjected to this kind of tragedy. I just hope something more is done with these sick, twisted people in the future. They should be put to death, immediately, no waiting 20 or 30 years!
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this. The ONLY thing that had ever bothered me about Travis’ behavior was i always wondered why he let Jodi inside his home that night if they were broken up… You have eloquently cleared that up for me with “no one knows how to deal with a sociopath”… Omg! That is so true and I totally get that now.
I keep the Alexander’s in my prayers and wish peace for them. Jodi has a miserable life ahead of her. I hope that brings them some comfort.
And, I meant to add, that he was probably terrified of her and didn’t know how to deal with her stalking behavior. How terrifying. 😦
there are also many questions about why my sister proceeded to marry a man impulsively she barely knew although she was an educated beautiful woman. Sociopaths influence is very very powerful in the world of manipulation. Arias used her sexuality on Travis and he was vulnerable. And thought the best of her although she is a dark hole of evil. That’s the way I make sense of it.
Your claim that the juror will walk alone shunned from society for the rest of her life is a baseless one and frankly bullying. Name one of the Casey Anthony jurors. You can’t can you? They let a mother who murdered her own child walk among us and I bet not one of you can remember a single name. Despite how furious we are at the outcomes and despite the juror’s reasons behind them they were not our choices to make. We cannot grab torches and pitchforks because we did not get our way. The jurors did not fail us our legal system did. Instead of attacking and bullying maybe we should be out trying to change the legal system. Or not. One day if you or someone you love is ever before a judge and jury you will thank your lucky stars that you live in a country where you have a fair and unbiased trial.
Thank you for sharing Wanda. I respectfully disagree that my post is “bullying”. I don’t know this juror’s name nor do I want to. It is my perception that she will live with this legacy for the rest of her life in some form or another. The jurors did not fail us: one juror did who failed to follow the rules imposed upon her. This is my opinion and not one I expect anyone else to share but it based on facts. I hope you set out to change the legal system, I really do.
SEE I KNEW IT. YOU ARE MUCH MORE DIPLOMATIC. BTW SORRY FOR GETTING YOUR NAME NOT QUITE RIGHT KOOL LADY. hehe
Trudy I’m deleting some of the posts for online one reason: people who are vulnerable are reading here and this is for healing, I won’t be indulging the kinds of things you were replying to for that reason. I know you understand. 🙂
Thank you. I do understand believe me, and thank you for erasing them but those peeps make me want to kill myself. LOL Gremlins running around in my head gnawing at my think tank. Oye.
Keep breathing dear. You are not alone.
Thank you for this post. I have not been able to sleep, I am angry at everyone, and it was not my brother who was murdered so I feel guilty feeling this way. I cannot stop crying for the pain I see on the family’s faces. I feel helpless with no way to help other than my twitter posts. I have followed this case from beginning. I keep telling myself that good will/did triumph over evil but it was very helpful to hear your words speak to this. I believe strongly that MDLR had much to do with this and pray that the pros figure this out. I cry for a man’s brother and sisters that I never met. I am so sad for them and so angry at they system in this case. Anyway, your letter helped, thank you.
Words escape me. Thank you and I’m so sorry about your sister.
Thank you so much everyone out there who is reading and commenting. The response to this has been overwhelming.
I know many are still struggling and that makes sense. It’s not something you can just turn off.
I’d like to,share one resource that was very helpful to me. In fact I’ve read it a few times. There is a book titled Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine that helped me understand some things about PTSD in a new way. I know it’s available on Amazon.
I’m working my way through the emails I’ve received and will continue tomorrow. I’m reading all of your posts and appreciate the solidarity so much.
Much love.
I will get that book. Im 60 and have suffered mostly unknowingly since I was about 5 having been repeatedly sexually abused from 2 1/2 until 5 by a family friend, who my parent chose to protect his career and kept it secret. I only started having flashbacks when I was 50. Boy they’re fun. Not like I ever imagined when I heard others speak of their experience with it. A series of images, that too me found their way from total blackness to a very unfocused picture of? then the pic over time started focusing.Not one single piece came completely into focus until they were all there, laying quietly in the room I tucked them into. Then as if someone walked into that room and turned on the lights and all the pieces in absolute clarity were in there, like as surprise party. SURPRISE!! This is what your life has been about, the secrets you hears whispered, the way your mother said something 50 years ago suddenly make sense under the circumstance, innuendos from adults, now understood.
I thank God I was in AA and had built a strong foundation of sobriety before I remembered. I had done other hard work so I knew how to process it through while retaining my sanity.
Unlocking PTSD Yes i will get that. today I would like to overcome my agoraphobic tendencies and get out more. all in all I haven’t done too badly at least I didn’t kill anyone as our friend jodi sunk to. I feel a certain depth of despair for her because she does seem so unreachable to conceptualize the damage her actions have on the spiritual well being of others. I
THE FRUITS OF MY CHILDHOOD PAIN IS HAVING TAKEN THAT FRUIT & USED IT IN A WORKABLE RECIPE FOR GUIDING MY CHILDREN THROUGH TO ADULTHOOD.
TAKE A LITTLE OF THAT OUT, LOTS MORE OF THIS INGREDIENT IN. OOPS NONE OF THAT, STEER RIGHT AWAY FROM THAT STUFF ALL TOGETHER. ETC ETC.
I HAVE TWO WONDERFULLY WELL ADAPTED SONS AND IF THAT IS THE CROWNING GLORY FOR HAVING ENDURED ABUSE AS A CHILD, I WOULD GLADLY GO THROUGH IT AGAIN.
THANK YOU AGAIN FOR SHARING YOUR STRENGTH OF PERSPECTIVE AS WE ALL SUFFER IN OUR OWN WAYS IN THE JA SAGA.
Your wisdom, courage, strength, and compassion are the stars in the crown of justice you wear…and you wear it well! ❤
First, I want to send my condolences for the murder of your beautiful sister. I am so sorry for your loss and also very sad that justice still has not been served. Second, thank you for sharing such a powerful yet personal message. I wish you, your family, the Alexanders, and the jurors who fought so hard for Cindy and Travis peace.
KCL, I know this letter must have been hard to write. Thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts and feelings so clearly onto the page. The time you have taken and the care you have displayed throughout this whole process has been appreciated. Your family must be proud of the love you continue to share and the goodness that is within you that radiates to those around you. You are a special person. I’m sorry that this trial has been difficult for you, for the Alexander’s and their loved ones. I hope the love that countless people are sending to all of you will continue to heal your hearts, Margie
KCL. I don’t know if you remember me or not, we shared many a thought during the first part of this horrific ordeal. I am again so sorry for your sister, and do so admire your strengths and hopeful insights. Congratulations on your engagement. Your sister would be so very happy that you have found someone to care for you! Hope, Love and Strength Sweetie!! You are a survivor!!
Hi PA! I do remember your name but you’re going to have to remind me what context we shared in….please write me at katiecoolady@yahoo.com and ignite my brain again! 😀
Thank you to everyone who continues to contribute observations and insights to this post. I’m reading each and every one and appreciating you all so much. I just can’t say thank you enough! I love you all out there! ❤
Thank you for your beautiful insight into madness.
This is so odd. It’s 2018, and I took up study of this case in 2015. Didn’t watch the trial until it was complete with penalty phase retrial.
In 2016 my brother, my Irish Twin, was murdered. The person or persons (I think it’s one) will never be caught, short of a confession, so – never is a safe bet. The pain is daily. My face is wet before I even open my eyes each morning, and that’s on the nights I do actually sleep.
You taught me something today. I hadn’t thought of it this way. I saw your Sister. She’s so pretty. Very yellow and sunny. I realized that maybe if they had caught the soulless maggot that left my brother frozen in violence never to thaw then I would have HAD to do what you have, which is kneel to the law. I’ve always dreamed of a private justice, but a justice. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t have made it through a trial, and a nervous breakdown, at the same time. I would have spontaneously combusted. It would have blown the whole breaker box. Maybe I was spared that prolonged torture for a reason. I’m sorry you weren’t and won’t be. I’m sorry you know what their faces look like. You probably think you see them in a person here, a person there. Today I was grateful I don’t have that layer of agony.
I have to live every day in micro-gratitude or else it won’t be 14 but 24 hours out of the day I am stomach heaving-crying. So I try every day to find one thing. I’m glad he didn’t suffer long. I’m glad he wasn’t left in a vegetative state – things like that.
Finally, I hope you still have a line of connection with your Sister. I hope you hear a word or a laugh or a have a nice thought with her. Even a little. I have it. Or I believe I do.
I’m sorry they took her. I’m sorry you didn’t get to keep her. It’s maddening. Please accept my heartbreak for you.
Thanks for writing this.
Dee Nugent
Thank you Dee for such a thoughtful and well considered sharing. You are the reason I write on this blog about these things. Hoping I can make some kind of impact somewhere. Thank you so much for sharing. I’m very sorry for your loss as well. Please keep in touch. ❤️