Being vs. Selling



A trend I’ve noticed in the last decade or so, which I’m finally finding the words to address, is one where damaged folks are figuring the way to success or abundance as is the buzzword, is through selling themselves.  The focus becomes on the sell, not on the actual being but the selling about being.  Then there are people who are teaching courses in selling about selling.

Not things mind you–intangibles like your development, your relationship success, your sense of abundance in this world are offered on silver plated platters.  How to sell these things to other people who also don’t feel they possess them. That’s your target market!


But what people are really selling is their faux evolvedness while not evolving.  Or believing the selling is the road to evolving.  When in reality they have skipped over the most basic steps, starting with no step at all.  It starts with standing right where you are, wounds and all.

I saw this starting in a “Life Coach” program in a holistic school near where I live.  “Everyone wants to be a Life Coach” I used to say as people flocked their doors with promises of $100 per hour jobs guiding other people how to manage their lives while most of the students were living completely unmanageable lives of their own.  Many of them showed up in  my office for therapy with big hopes and big dreams and empty lives and now more empty wallets.


I don’t mean to knock Life Coaches.  There are a few I’ve met who I sincerely admire.  I’ve even reached out to one for guidance but my problem actually ended up getting resolved between the time I reached out and the time we set our appointment.  Sometimes it’s just the dropping your know-it-all-ness and asking for help that breaks the spell.  I’d go back to her in a heartbeat though if a need arises again which it likely will.  I’m a living human after all.  I have many teachers and helpers.

I chose this woman, even though the term “Life Coach” often induces an internal cringe, because she is the real deal.  I felt it in her presence and I knew she could help me.  I  knew she was walking her own talk.


This brings me to the chestnut of the matter.  What seems to get lost in the process of all this selling selling selling is the fine art of humility.  I see people who are very successful praising their teachers and their readers and even their hard times for forcing them to dive deep.  Then I see the Sellers praising themselves while demanding everyone around them praise them too in the name of validation.  Meanwhile they continue down their path of not succeeding and shame and looking outward outward outward for the answer, the path, the dime.


You can’t sell something you don’t possess.  As you endeavor in this self sabotaging endeavor, you dig the hole deeper and deeper naming that shovel “Desperation” as you exhaust yourself trying to become somebody through anyone else’s eyes.

The true success stories, the true Badasses of the world are doing it quietly.  They are buying, not selling.  They are breathing in vs forcing hot air in your face. They are filling themselves with soul, not fast food.  And it shows.


You feel a sense of yes around an authentic teacher like that.  You don’t feel pushed but invited.  Or just a space carved for you to slide in to effortlessly.  That is the sign of a true Master to me.  One who draws other true seekers like a magnet simply from their beingness.

I’m ready for this Selling Consciousness phase to find it’s natural conclusion.  I’m pretty sure the Life Coach program at the Holistic School had it’s heyday and has fizzled in to a small whisper.  I’m also quite sure most of the graduates, although may have gained a great deal of self awareness during their training, are still seeking a quick fix while feeling like they are failing.  I’ve met several of them.  Let’s just say their dreams of $100 per hour haven’t been met.  For one reason: that’s what they were chasing all along.  That and some kind of bigshottedness that comes with it while avoiding crossing the chasm of chaos that could actually, bring them to their destiny.


The way starts inside.  And your wounds lie there.  They beg for clearing.  You simply can’t bypass that.  You don’t become a somebody without  becoming your own-body first.  And it takes some diving deep on the inside, not in to other people’s pockets.

Humility combined with a fierce talk-walker makes a Badass.

The rest are just a bunch of used ego salesmen chasing their own tails.


I know who I choose to follow.  But first, I look straight down at my own feet.

Because that is where my path starts; always right there.

And I remind myself to pause, as long as it takes, before taking that one first step.

Woman Walking Through Door into Meadow

4 thoughts on “Being vs. Selling

  1. I love this piece. I love the clarity which shines from your soul. It is the Divine Miss M who has always taught those blessed enough to share her path…not through ‘selling’ but instead through BEing Wowunderful! Love you!

  2. Oh Kathy, This is wonderful. You have put into beautifully written words what has been swirling in my heart. BE the being part, not just hang the shingle of “Life Coach” (or whatever). Sometimes the shingle doesn’t even have a name. Just a way of being and sometimes we have to step away from the shingle to let it fully blossom in ourselves. Love your writings! Hope to see you at a seminar again soon :0)

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