hibernation

Standard

depression

Sorry guys for the weird posting lately.  I’m trying to navigate an upgrade on this site (not really working in terms of videos which was the whole reason I did it) and my new Android phone and new apps.  Technology is not my friend these days.  My mind is spinning from it all.

I was sick all day yesterday–truly a body/mind/spirit crashdown.   That just happens sometimes.  I came home from exercising and visiting Alfonse briefly and put my pajamas on, did one load of laundry and stayed down all day and evening.  I feel slightly better today but still gonna take it easy.  Sometimes these cave dwelling periods signal a big transformation is on the horizon.

depression7

I was in my bedroom yesterday morning and finally broke down in long held tears.  Tears for God knows what, just things bottled up inside.  It was good to let them go.  I started praying for a sign of relief and right after that heard 3 dings on my phone.  I’d received 3 text messages from someone I’d been waiting to hear back from.  Someone very dear to my heart who I share a deep bond with who I’d wondered if our paths had uncrossed.  I’d reached out last week and not heard back so the timing was impeccable.  He said he was just about to apologize for taking so long to get back to me right when I’d replied about how his text was an answered prayer.  I have tears now remembering the beauty of that moment.

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I think we all need to know we’re not alone.  I find myself a person who provides that for others easily.  I bond easily and quickly with people and provide a place of belonging.  But much like funny man Robin Williams plagued with depression, I at times feel very lonely myself.  Go figure.  Yesterday was just one of those days.

When I was visiting Alfonse (his Dr. had texted me saying he wasn’t doing well so I went over to find him telling me “Kathy I’m feeling good. I’m happy” after having just returned from getting a haircut to prepare for his audition) we picked out his outfit to wear tonite finding he needed to launder some of it and I had him sing for me like always.  I made this video which I hope goes through this time–having a devil of a time getting videos uploaded here from my phone now.

silver1 - Copy

Please enjoy this and tonite 6pm MST please offer up a prayer of support for my dear brother.  This, though, is a total win/win situation as he knows even if he doesn’t get in to the chorus this round, he will be starting a life of volunteerism with them.  It’s all good and he’s totally ok with whichever way it goes.  Life will be changing for both of us tonite, I can feel it. It’s time.

for some reason it’s coming out squished but at least you can hear it

6 thoughts on “hibernation

  1. spellbound4

    I am so sorry you had a down day, Katie. Hope today is much better.

    I adore hearing John’s voice— it is a beautiful tone. Wishing him much luck tonight. Whichever way it goes, I am so proud of him— and I have butterflies (guess that means he doesn’t have to get them, giggles)

    Good luck and have fun tonight, both of you!

  2. Rose

    We all have those days where we just want to cry and just release all those pent-up emotions. I’d like to be more like a kid in this aspect…in private (:))…to be able to easily express (by way of crying, open-communication etc.) raw emotions…once it’s all out and the stress has been released there’s that smile again!

    I’ve been reading more about Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and Ayurveda. I’ve come to realize that emotions and vital organs are closely connected. And how important it is to express and deal with our emotions unabashedly. Bottling up things is-not-good-at-all. In fact, according to TCM, screaming at the top of our lungs (again, in a private and safe environment, :))) is considered therapeutic.

    I’ll be praying for your dear brother…we’re here to support you guys!

    • Thank you Rose! All I know is I asked that Super Moon to give me some deep dreams of healing and was up all night with this pain in my right side (liver/gallbladder) which just got worse all day yesterday. I fasted yesterday and took a bath with my new essential oils and just stayed with it. Today I feel like a new person so I’m glad I had the time and space to dive in like that. Who knows what that was about but I’m glad it’s passed because I need to put my fabulosity in to high gear tonite at the audition! (as if anyone cares about me…it is a group of gay men so I’m glad I got my hair and nails done lol).

  3. Hi Kathy,

    I was unable to post my ‘Thank You’ on your TWO INNOCENTS site today. I hope it’s OK to send an e-mail when that happens.

    Thank You for continuing to share Alphonse with us. I loved this video also

    Much Love ♥ ♥ ♥
    Paula (Soulsad)

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