First off, I’d like to thank all you readers out there for tuning in and jumping in to the grooves of my brain.  It helps knowing other people out there are connecting and sometimes sharing and might find some meaning themselves out of these flows that fly through my fingers sometimes.  Usually right upon waking, sometimes after a shower (what is it about the shower anyway?  I know you know what I mean.  I think the water stimulates the brain cells, I do!).  Anyway, just thanks.  Means a lot.

I woke up this morning with this phrase on my mind:  “Humiliation is a good thing when it breeds humility”.

Then that got me thinking about exactly what is humility?  A feeling?  A state of mind?  A general posture toward life?  A spiritual event?  All of the above?

What I landed on, for myself in this moment, is that humility at least brings a softening.

Then I came downstairs and got in to soup ladeling and I promise you, these things go together.  Just bear with me.

My friend Amy invited me to a Soup Swap last Monday.  Since I was basically flattened by a steam roller much of the weekend I didn’t get my act together to make my soup before Monday and made it to the store at 1pm and got ‘er done (I really despise that phrase and I just wrote it, why?  WHY?  I guess I’m leaving it).  I made this, I must say, mighty delicious lemon chicken quinoa veggie soup–all organic.

I jarred it in quart glass mason jars and put my labels on and off I went.  My brother was having a rough day–rough in a different way, in a more normal way for lack of a better word, so Amy graciously said I could bring him along and I’m glad I did.  He started a new program Monday (Wellness City) and was having some normal anxiety from all the newness–new people, new drive, new facilitators.  All in all I think he handled it really well and has gone back every day since.  Yay Alfonse!  New chapters don’t always come easy.  Ask a newly hatched chick.

huh?

The soup swap was super fun!  But there was a little twist there too–we prepared to swap 5 quarts of soup but two people had to cancel at the last minute so we all had extra.  There were four of us who made it (plus Alfonse) and I had just the best time!  I met one of Amy’s friends, Michelle, who I felt in about 3 minutes like “um, ok, why have our paths not crossed before?  Really!”.  We have so much in common–films, writing, Ira Glass, foodie stuff, more I can’t remember right now.  I thought “this girl is my people!”.  Amy knew that too.

Also Yolanda was there who I’ve known for awhile and have been getting to know better bumping in to each other quite a bit out and about.  I LOVE Yolanda.  She makes these concrete blocks and some of you may be seeing all over town, at least in every cool restaurant in town.  You can check out her Facebook page here. I have one in my home that says “simplify” and one in my treatment room that says “feel”.  Besides her business Yolanda is funny, quirky and cute and I just love her.  She makes me feel good every single time I see her.  If you want to meet her yourself, she’s always at the Gilbert Farmer’s Market where I met her in person the first time.  I hugged her within about 3 minutes of meeting her.  It’s that kind of sweet connection.

Of course Amy, she’s like my mother/friend/therapist/sister wrapped in to one.  Also she’s my version of Lena Dunham which I kept telling her constantly that night as I’d just watched Girls the night before.

We all just had a great time talking about fun and deep topics, laughing, eating Amy’s Matso ball soup and Pane Bianco bread (yum), drinking wine and beer and telling about our soups we brought to share.  I felt so good being there!  It was a perfect evening.  And I got some damn good soups!

Alfonse even serenaded us  with two songs:  Happy Birthday and Crazy by Patsy Cline. This was only because I was bragging about his amazing singing voice and the girls literally gasped hearing it.  I need to revisit getting him an audition in the Men’s Chorus.

how could I forget the homemade kumquat bark?

I brought him home with me after as my Dad was at a play and we watched, well a stupid reality show that I’m embarassed to admit I watch The Bachelor.

My dear brother laid on my couch, still feeling the affects of anxiety reeling in his body/mind and said “I’m lucky to have such a good sister” (melt).  I walked over and sat next to him, hugged him and told him I’m lucky to have such an angel for a brother.  His innocence and purity just influences me in a way like no other.  He softens my heart in to butter.

Which brings me right back to that:  softening.

I spoke with my good friend who kind of went through the wreck of a weekend events right along side me and because of that, we were in touch quite a bit.  We checked in last night about how we were both feeling.  We shared that ironically or unexpectedly or as I’m sure she’d say through God’s grace, we were feeling amazing.  Much better than before this series of events even happened!  Like something came through like a wrecking ball to knock down some walls in our hearts that we didn’t even know were there.

We were laughing that way you would (and I have) when you’ve  been through something super scary (in my case an example would be my car spinning around and landing in a ditch in rural Mexico with a flat tire with my 80 something yr old GRANDMA with me who landed in my LAP not wearing her seatbelt–true story) then you look at each other once you’ve realized that you survived without any broken bones or anything and you do the only natural thing you can do:  burst out laughing.

Yes it was like that last night.  We were both kind of assessing the damage then laughing about silly things like “ok what was THAT?” and knowing it had all washed away.  Yet also knowing that something really important had occurred.  Like some kind of deep healing and feeling the relief and gratitude that comes with it.

Which brings me back to soup ladeling this morning.

As I shared, I ended up with an insane amount of soup left over.  I didn’t gauge how much I needed in the first place so probably made a double batch anyway then I had the soups I brought home from the swap and this:

I put a shout on Facebook “who wants soup?”.  And I got quite a few takers!

So my soup-that-keeps-on-giving has become a bit of a metaphor for life right now.  Sometimes seeming mistakes really end up being gifts wrapped up in a Mason jar.

I’m having fun making soup deliveries now this week.  My friend Marisa is picking hers up this morning along with the WINE I’ve been holding here for, ahem, a couple years now, that I hand carried back from MAINE when she was house sitting for me and I’ve never gotten to her.

I get to bring a quart to my hair dresser today.  Amy’s daughter loved my soup so she gets more.  Delivered some to Mya yesterday and will to Mari today.  I’ll share some with my family.

And speaking of that, something opened there too.  A softening occurred in my entire family this weekend as well.  A deep opening of doors that have been long locked from old traumas and love flowed in.  That’s the best way I can describe it.  Love is flowing through our circle in a way I’ve not felt in a very very long time.

They came over last night and brought me a bottle of wine, we took my new air fryer for a test spin, ate pasta and listened to jazz and talked and shared and enjoyed a family dinner.  Do you know how long I’ve been on my own and now my family is 5 minutes away and we can share meals together during the week as a matter of course?

Miracles all around.  Softening all within.

And for that, I say thank you to humiliation.  

You took me straight to the Grand Scheme, didn’t you?

You are my best friend right about now.