Yesterday was a rough one.  For several reasons I don’t really want to revisit.  Yet sometimes life just needs to hammer us open–sometimes we learn why; often we don’t.

Thomas Moore said last week it’s not about going higher, it’s about going deeper.  That really struck a chord in me and I’ve been thinking about those words ever since.

I sure felt in that deep space yesterday.  Like stuck at the bottom of a blender being ground up kind of deep.  Spinning off tears.  I rarely cry for hours or all day.  Yesterday, yes.

These are the moments we really burn.  The tests that hone us in their fire.  I’m still kind of in that fire and I’m still letting it work it’s magic on me.  A strong spirit is made during these dark nights of the soul.  And I sure have had my share this round.

I got to thinking about imagery and the one that kept coming to mind was a fox stuck in a well.  I got out my sketch book and began drawing it.  All day I felt like no way could I be around other human beings feeling like this–like I just couldn’t survive it.

Yet the best party of the year was happening last night.  My dear friend Peter and his lovely wife Anya’s annual “Life, Wine and Jazz” party, created celebrating Peter’s survival from a serious car accident right around the time I first met him (he’s another Myofascial Release practitioner).

I started texting Mya mid day saying I really didn’t know if I could get it up for this and she just knew the right words to say to mobilize me without pushing me.  Basically she extended a rope down that well and looked down at me with loving eyes saying “I think it’s best you take this”.

So I did.  And that party was truly amazing.  No one throws parties like this anymore…it was like old school with a three piece jazz band, as many different wines as you could imagine to taste and exotic Polish food everywhere you looked.  Peter and Anya are Polish and I swear he’s met every Polish person in Phoenix and knows them all, including the rescue person who came for him in that crash.  That man who saved his life and was the one who called Anya speaking in her own tongue.

Just like Mya spoke to me in my own tongue yesterday reminding me of true friendship and someone who believes in me no matter what.

i love this dear gal, so much

The friends who belong in that inner circle are the ones who remember who you are when you’ve forgotten it yourself. And they remind you simply by their holding steadfast to that knowing, quietly or like a whisper;  their piercing reflection straight to your (my) heart.

I’m lucky to have so many of those in my life.  And the ones who drop away, well, they just create space don’t they?

My light is still shining even if it’s in someone else’s memory of me.

And that my friends, is a blessing.

me, Peter, Mya