First off please feel free to enjoy the soundtrack to this post:
My friend JJ sent me this quote yesterday that was like an arrow straight to the center of all my heart chambers at once.
“The original abandonment, the original abuse, the original horror has some reason and meaning in it. It is not senseless. It is not like being run down like a dog on the highway. Its meaning most often is the development of tremendous strength, tremendous power, tremendous intuition. And I will tell you frankly that most of the people who are the greatest healers living on the face of this earth are unmothered children. One of the great gifts of the unmothered child – and also the healer, and the writer and the musician and all those in the arts who live so close with their ear against the heartbeat of the archetypal unconscious – one of their strongest aspects is intuition.”
And it came with this illustration by an artist named Boris Pelcer:
Not consciously remembering this, I woke up for the second time this morning, this time at 10am (don’tcha love sleeping in when you can?) with this thought in my head.
You can be abandoned and betrayed by every single person in your life who is supposed to keep you safe, at any and every stage of your life and yet you can still find a place of safety and belonging in this world.
If there is a memoir or a book to be written in me, that will be the theme at it’s deepest heart chamber.
I’ve told many stories here and there will be a day where I may tell all of the stories which drive me to that theme.
But these are serious words. They are fighting words. They are surrendering words. They are peace-finding words.
They are the words of a person who knows they will be the last one standing in their lineage.
They are words of a person who has been and will be tested for the duration.
And they are words of a warrior who stands strong and who finds a path unaltered by any of it.
I’m thinking just writing those words out loud helps solidify a path or a direction on a path or the awareness the path even exists.
There is a place inside of me that I feel; most every day I feel it, that has been untouched by any of all that.
It’s like that place inside a dream when you know you’re under full attack, in full danger, free falling, watching the road crash up to meet you and yet knows you will wake up safe.
I have that in me in all of my waking days, in spite of everything else.
And that my friends is my gift, I mean the one I received coming on to this planet in this lifetime.
My friend Amy asked recently “What’s your Superpower?”.
Well, that’s mine.
Ok, that and the skill that I can look at a clock, at any time of day, tell myself that I will wake up at an exact time for example ten minutes later. And I will go in to a deep sleep and wake up at that exact minute fresh as a daisy.
But I got that one from my Grandma Buddha who used to say “I have an alarm clock in my head”. That one’s genetic I think.
This other one came from the place I came from before this. Like a talisman. That’s always been with me and will never leave me.
It’s my spark that peeps through my eyes when I’m not tired.
And it’s untouchable.
What’s your Superpower?