Meanwhile, back at the Ranch….


The Legend of Kathy and Sebastian continues.

I fell in love with my friend Sebastian during my birthday week at Rancho La Puerta 11/2013.


I know those are bold words.  Take a moment if you need.

I have to say it like that because there really is no way to soften the blow of that wild wind that whipped in squeezing and seizing my heart.

Now I’m not talking about a limerence where we become lovers by the end of this story and ride off in to the sunset together.  That’s not how our planets are spinning.

Nor am I talking about a soft sweet love between friends.

This heartburst has it’s own voice; it’s own personality.  Something like if those two descriptions intertwined like a winged caduceus, magnetic and free, spiraling upward.  Like that, creating a new love force.


Along the way, I decided to say yes to this.  And my yes was caught by his heart and off we flew.

So this is my love note to my dear Sebastian, crafted down at the Ranch, now kind of scary to post which is precisely the reason I’m doing it and doing it fast before I lose my nerve.

Dear Sebastian,

Thank you for being the best birthday gift I got this year.

Thank you for changing your schedule so your last week at the Ranch landed on my birthday week, remembering it and my wish.

Thank you for gifting me with so much extra time in your 96 degree enchanted office.

Thank you for your soft gentle touch; your soft gentle ways.


Thank you for spinning my head around 360 degrees with your strong hands so I can see all views.

Thank you for saying “I feel like you’re my guest this week”.

Thank you for the gift of your friendship, one I believe has always been and will always be.

Thank you for whispering in my ear at my birthday dinner, “I loved your poem”.


Thank you for saying “we’re matching” because the colors in your shirt matched my bracelet. 😉

Thank you for remembering my activities day after day, asking “did you make it to yoga today?” or “How was the silent dinner?”.

Thank you for setting up my pillows and blanket so close to yours at the crystal bowl meditation so when I arrived all I had to do was lie down.  Then you asked if I needed another pillow.

Thank you for snoring along with me. 😉

Thank you for throwing your arm around me saying “yes!” when that lady asked “is he your boyfriend?”.
Then boldly affirming another “yes!” when I said “he’s my soulmate”.


Thank you for stretching me open in your monumental wingspan.

Thank you for being my mother, my boyfriend, my Coast Guardian, my Shaman, my husband, my angel all in the same day.


Thank you for walking softly up behind me on my patio just now as I sit here writing this in my robe in the shadow of Mt. Kuchumaa, visiting for 2 1/2 hours then inviting me to lunch to visit more.  Spending your last day at the Ranch with me.


Thank you for increasing my flexibility in mind and body.


Thank you for sharing your heart stories with me too and giving me a deeper understanding of our connection.

Thank you for being a mirror in which I see myself; a survivor also of a tragedy named by a word that ends in “cide”, who is choosing a kick ass amazing inspired life in spite of it all (tears).

Thank you for offering to fetch me coffee at dinner, twice.

Thank you for saying “you look amazing” as you joined my birthday dinner table, sitting to my right.


Thank you for cradling me in your arms.


Thank you for brushing the hair from my brow so gingerly.

Thank you for describing your need for solitude in a language I understand as well.

Thank you for holding me tighter when I started to cry, then tighter again when I stopped.

Thank you for wrapping me up in towels, rubbing my hair dry, putting my shoes on my feet and saying “you better run in and get warm so you don’t catch cold”.


Thank you for being such a cool, interesting guy wrapped in such a gorgeous unexpected package.


(but you’re scaring the crap out of me in this picture!)

Thank you for reaching out then reaching in to me.

Thank you for loving my collages.


Thank you for inviting me for wine last night and taking that deep dive in to Sol y Tierra together until the glasses were so cold, they seemed refrigerated, almost frozen.



Thank you for joining me in my cozy firelit casita , drinking tea now, to finish our conversation (which of course isn’t really finished).


Thank you for dropping the occasional F Bomb. 😉

Thank you for seeing me.

Thank you for showing me a man like you can love me.

Thank you for helping me expand my lung capacity by taking me under the water.


(not me but lifted this from your FB page–this is Waterdance folks, under water)

Thank you for sharing the story of your tattoo with me.  That one.

Thank you for all the ways you showed chivalry to me.  None went unnoticed.

Thank you for remembering my Karrin Allison song from all those months ago and telling me you thought you heard it coming through the crystal bowls, in another language.

Thank you for gathering up those sugar skulls for me to take that first night.


Thank you for 2 1/2 gifted floats. WOW.

Thank you for blessing your pool for all of us (yes I said your pool).


Thank you for holding my cheek against your soft beard, for as long as you did.

Thank you for putting our photo together as your Facebook picture. 😉

Thank you for lacing your fingers in to mine as we walked back from the wine bar that magical night.

Thank you for your steady  brilliant blue eye contact and your unwaivering listening skills.  And your eyelashes.

Thank you for talking to me about Love.

Thank you for welcoming me in to your sweet heart.

Thank you for asking me for one last photo as we parted.


Thank you for that long hard hug and telling me you love me.

Thank you for evoking all the tears for all the reasons, including now as I type this.

Thank you for creating a container for my sadness and my joy.

Thank you for being a mountain that moved me.


Thank you for bringing me back to 9 years old.

Thank you for remembering I’m a cheetah.

Thank you for placing my watercolor on your altar.

Thank you for hoping I see another fox.


Thank you for inspiring me in so many ways.

Thank you for being so handsome I can barely stand it.


hey where am I?  Pretty sure I just fainted.

And thank you for being so real.

      And a wild mustang.

              And an angel on my shoulder.

Thank you for bringing me alive.

I just absolutely adore you my dear sweet soul brother friend.

I can’t wait to see where our next adventure takes us.  xoxo


Ricki Byars Beckwith sings it best:

16 thoughts on “sebastian

  1. Shelley

    wow-wow-wow-what a connection you two have-! so glad you experienced such bliss! he sounds like a man who knows a good thing when he meets one.

  2. Thank you Kathy and Sebastian for your shining example to all of us of a love beyond form, time, space, personality, physical body. Kathy apreciation to you for your sweet memento here. May we each experience this depth of soul/friend/love/connection in our own lives.
    Deep bows.

  3. Slainea

    Wow! That’s given me the biggest grin, to hear you sound so happy and buzzing full of so much joy, love and hope! So pleased for you! xx

  4. Ellen B

    Teary… for so many reasons. Mostly because I knew you when…. we shared a friend in common over our art/writing class with Erin last year. Love this rendition of your week. May your happiness carry you both through life. xo

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