anchoring

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Meanwhile, back at The Ranch.

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I’m going to take my mind back to the peace and tranquility I felt there to combat the fact that Alfonse has escalated back to a new level of paranoia, directed at me, thinking I’m poisoning him and wanting to “disown” me and that we’re all going to Hell.  We may be back at the hospital today to do an involuntary admission.  This crisis management style of living is not for the faint of heart.

I think if I can somehow learn to find my center in the midst of these unending hurricanes, I will have elevated to some kind of Zen mastery that people usually spend a lifetime in a monastery to achieve.  At least my style of a path to enlightenment has softer surfaces and better food.

While I wait on hold for an assessment about how the rest of my day will look, I will return to the Ranch so I can remember what sanity and bliss looks and feels like.  And anchor myself in to something real.  I will never give up on John but I’ll also never give up on myself.  John has his hospitalizations and I have mine in Tecate, Mexico.

***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***

To get to Rancho La Puerta, most people fly in to San Diego.  Part of the package includes transportation down to the Ranch.  I remember the first time I went, feeling like I’d been lifted in a velvet glove when I stepped on to that bus.  I was handed a packet for my week, personalized to me with my schedule and all the info I’d need to manuever down there.

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This is what the weekly schedule looks like.  Look at how many options per hour, all stellar.   And you’re right,  that was my last mimosa at the airport.  Oh yes I like to live it up with I travel.

The drive down to the ranch is gorgeous.  This photo doesn’t really do it justice but I’m so dreamy looking out the window driving down there.  The drive back isn’t quite as magical for some reason, even though it’s the same road.

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I stayed in casita Flores 26 this time.  It was near most everything yet still felt so private.  I loved it and of course my TWO window seats.

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you can also see my little patio there where I found my first two feathers (more on that later)

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here on the mantle you see my prayer arrow I made from some of the feathers that came to me (more on that later too)

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daytime

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most evenings my nook looked just like this, see what I mean about soft surfaces?

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they turn your bed down every evening- i love that

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i even had a comfy big tub this time!

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i read a poem from this book every morning, first thing I greeted the day with

Some gorgeous Ranch views here:

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as you can see, there is beauty everywhere your eyes rest on

Including here :

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that’s Manuel (fanning myself) after our Striptease class–my alltime favorite

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I found these perfect T shirts the night before I went, brought one for me, one for Tracy.  We were a big  hit in class.  Manuel even took our photo with him with his camera.   Whew!

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went to a jewelry making class one evening and made Alfonse a key ring

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Here’s Tracy taking a photo of these fairy duster flowers on the dining hall patio

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My last morning I went on a meditation hike and I was so bummed I’d forgotten my sunglasses until I took this selfie halfway through on top of the mountain.  Duh!

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Can you see the shark moving across the valley in the mist?

I always read this one book at The Ranch and finish it on my last night there.

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And I always take a photo of myself when I’m finished, with tears in my eyes.  The stains of those tears streaks were still on my face when I ran in to Juan Martinez later that evening.

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i take this photo so I can always remember this feeling.  It will be interesting to see how I compare 20 years from now taking this same photo.

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one photo I forgot to add to my feet across the Ranch–so many beautiful sculptures everywhere

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and how could I not include a photo of my beloved Sebastian?  This one isn’t identical to the other one but close.  I adore this man.

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Guess I’ll leave this entry on this note.

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Please hold a good thought for my dear brother in your heart today.

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12 thoughts on “anchoring

  1. LAMARQ

    Love all the pics. Looks like you had a restful time. Best wishes with your brother and your continued struggles. I really hope he can find stability.

  2. Kiminnm

    Prayers for dear John….and strength and wisdom for you, dear one..look forward to hearing more about your trip! Xoxo. Kiminnm

  3. Kicking up the prayer level for your Alfonse. I hope he finds his way. Above all, I am so glad you are putting your own needs as priority, too. The photos were great, as usual. Forgot the sunglasses, huh? Where is the LMAO button when I need it? giggles. That last photo really touched me. KCL, you are super. Thank you for sharing, as you do so well.

  4. MsDeb

    Paranoid schizophrenia is such a cruel mental illness…for the person with the disorder, and for everyone who loves the mentally ill…especially the caregiver(s). It seems like you never know which face of your loved one you’re going to see – even from one minute to the next…sometimes they can be so kind, yet other times they can make your heart bleed. It’s so stressful never being able to totally let your guard down…
    My good thoughts, heartfelt prayers, and warm-fuzzy thoughts are coming your way; & as my MRDD stepson always tells me, “Never give up!” I say, “Amen!”

  5. Nancy Anne

    Simply beautiful pictures! They take me right away. I’m happy you were able to find some peace, even if it’s only temporary. Wishing you the best, and keeping you and your brother in my prayers!

  6. Tracy

    🙂 You’re a strong and loving person. Alfonse is lucky to have you on his side even though his paranoia is telling him otherwise. This too shall pass.

    BTW I loved the 36 feet photos and I must say I’m jealous of your tranquil retreat. I think it was just what the doctor ordered.

  7. Lisa

    I hope you can transport yourself back to this restful place whenever you need to. Those “fairy duster flowers” grow wild in Arkansas. They are Mimosa Trees so I hope you had a Mimosa sitting under one.

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